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tell me my flaws!!
IP: 5797 CEB5
went to the club to spit some rhymes
Bouncer said hey,LOOK, we don't want your kind And he tossed me out, flat like that Told him he could suck on the fat of my cack what the hell do they mean my kind short hommies who come looking for lyrical fights, straight steriotyping Me and mine, just because we like to rhyme I said FINE and I turned to leave Not before i called him a greeseball geek mucsle head freaked, chased me through the parking lot I ran bout half a block....looked over my shoulder alright think i lost him and i started to walk Just then spotlight hit my eyes Lockspeaker voice, hey you stop Or you'll pay the price Fuck it, i broke into a fast pace run Jumped a fence, like i was in a fuckin marathon cause right then at that very moment For me it was either gold, or nothing I lost em once i jumped the 3rd or 4th fence took off my hoodie and ditched over someones fence Now the only part of me they'll recognize now Is my ass cause that'ss all they got a decent look at...wow Got away clean, but in the end i know i did'nt do nothing I jus started running, cause i knew i could It was either that or get beat and i know for a fact i'm fast on my feet........ |
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IP: 872B E5DF
this is weak, you have some simple ass rhymes, and it didnt flow good. keep working though. im not trying to sound like a hater or anything, but instead of writing 3 wack songs a day take your time and put more thoughts into 1 song, people are going to stop reading your shit if it always this wack.
Last edited by C-section : 02-26-03 at 07:27 PM. |
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IP: 399E F0FD
^^ tru but let me not be as blunt
this piece needs work, ya flow is mad simple, try re readin n workin on ya vocab, and work on tha concept, no bodies gonna wanna read sumthin with a weak subject, especially if you aint aint good and can do wonders with it, so work on it *constructive crit.* keep uppin |
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