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Old 03-12-03, 01:59 AM   #1
Rubix
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short

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how does one get better without feedback? i do not know....constructive critisism is good!....sorry its so short

my lack of words is what pushes me to get better/
and i watch as my vocab grows letter by letter/
a lyrical sweater made of flows that just continue to grow/
like a garden of words, that i continue to sew/
what do you know? i might have found my niche/
found a place to come back to when lifes a bitch/
my hands start to twitch when i have lines to spit/
but all i can do is hope that they hit/
lines that fit, seem to be so rare to me/
but as i get better i find that i can see/
what ill be if i stick to this game/
even if right now i sound pretty lame/
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Old 03-12-03, 03:13 AM   #2
Orikle
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Man, yo shit aint too bad, the wordplay on the lyrical sweater line then back up with the gareden of words sewn together was a fucken nice concept man, I liked that shit, you also got a good rhyme scheme, may be a bit short but its short and sharp which is good, keep it up dawg!

Peace OUt!
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Old 03-13-03, 11:28 PM   #3
Rubix
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thanks dude, its replys like that that keep me trying
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Old 03-13-03, 11:31 PM   #4
Criminal Intent
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damn dawg. Yo im new to this site as a matter of fact i just signed 2day but ni99az be spittin they asses off up here man. That gangsta bra. Keep spittin dawg
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Old 03-14-03, 12:03 AM   #5
MicDareall
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it is kinda weak kid...but keep at it....atleast u tryin wit the metas...but explore other aspects of this shit to....and wit ya metas...u got shit swithed up hardly makin sense....switch up

"that i continue to sew" with "that jus continue to grow"....

and them 2 lines will make more sense...if u look at the lines individually they make no sense
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Old 03-14-03, 02:18 AM   #6
inspire
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you gettin better and better... you spittin what you know... keep at it... drop me a pm with a link to your next post... keep rhymin
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Old 03-14-03, 04:48 AM   #7
Comando Coolwhip
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the end u stopped trying lol but keep wit the wordplay just add all aspects like wordplay, punchlines, metaphors, similies, imagry, vocab...shit like that, people think all u got to do to be a MC is rhyme and make sence and have a topic, its not like that if u wanna be a true mc, commercial motha fuckas be like that tho...stay spittin
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Old 03-14-03, 05:13 AM   #8
Farenheit
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tho it was short it had good word-play an a couple nice mettas, u need constructive feedback? Keep tryin and elevate ure vocab and you'll b droppin bombs in no time.....
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