|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-06-03, 10:46 PM
|
#1
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
Pain
IP: 544C C83C
Pain
That's what you gave me Pain That's what made me How can a thing like love be so painful I love you at all types of angles But there's a downside to you You lie, even though I don't lie to you I love you, always willing to stay But I can't when you abuse me everyday You abuse me with your language Causing me so much painage Look at what you did My black eyes The red marks on my thighs The stab mark in my heart The ripping my soul apart What did I do? I stayed with you Tried to believe you loved me When you really disgusted me I tried to make myself believe you were the one I left But the pain you gave me can never be undone Pain That's what you gave me Pain That's what made me Last edited by Savory : 07-06-03 at 10:48 PM. |
||||||
|
|
07-06-03, 11:46 PM
|
#2
|
|||||||
|
Tampons are expensive
|
IP: EF0A E7B2
Shiznit's Thoughts:
this hasnt much anything on it but it was simple enough to make ur reader understand what u were trying to imply on this one... the simplistic way of showing ur talent is good but u might choose to write with longer lines..it would be better... nice drop..keep em droppin!
__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
|||||||
|
|
|
07-06-03, 11:52 PM
|
#3
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 09AD FC88
First of all, welcome to RB....
great piece...i enjoyed it a lot...the emotion really shows through with your delivery.... hope this isnt something written from experience... Respect and Love |
||||||
|
|
|
07-07-03, 01:51 AM
|
#4
|
|||||||
|
New to RB
|
IP: 19EE F2A1
everything thy said, full of emotion, hate to be hypercritical, but i don't think "painage" is a word. i don't know, excellent piece overall
peace
__________________
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams. |
|||||||
|
|
|
07-07-03, 10:30 AM
|
#5
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 962C 5154
no painage isn't a word....i checked already.....that was just me being creative....i always come up with new words in the process....lol though
|
||||||
|
|
|
07-08-03, 10:59 AM
|
#6
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 4F2B 4EA2
Simple, strong and to the point.
The message read raw yet with pure heartfelt emotions. Good for what it was... ..resp.. |
||||||
|
|
|
07-08-03, 12:57 PM
|
#7
|
|||||||
|
"Cuz bruk said so"
|
IP: 00B3 DC9C
I really enjoyed your drop, it takes courage to write with such honesty. As simple as the message was, it really regerstered as pure with me. I assume your writting from expereince, and to be so open about your most personal hurts, really makes me look forward to reading more from you. It's not eveyday someone can be so openly honest about true human emotion caused by pain.
One suggestion: instead of aiming the message at him, re target and aim it at you, or the person who was hurt, so it's more of a warning. that's jsut my suggestion, I think it would reach out to more in that form. Well I look forward to more post's. Bounced outta here<------
__________________
FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
|||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
