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Old 09-02-03, 05:45 AM   #1
Otherwordz
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4:31 am (living in death)

IP: 6236 079F

it's now 4:31 but I just can't seem to get my ass-to-the-bed...
with all the cats-that-have-bled...
the only thing I can think about's a gat-to-my-head...
please no don't die is the last-thing-I-said...
no longer am I packin-some-lead and stashin'-my bread...
I can't open my eyez my time'z no longer elapsing...I'm dead...

shit-is-absurd when ya vision-is-blurred my spit-has-been-cursed
a bottomless pit-has-emerged ...
as my "skin dissentigratez" till it starts to "get-on-my-nervez"...

I ain't a murderer... but please don't tempt-me-to-try...
it's in-me-to-die...without remembering-why...
if my life'z filled with pain then why do I feel empty inside...

dismembering-thoughts the trinity'z-sought...
I can't seem to buy shit but a disfiguring-corpse...
with all the treasurez my memories-bought...
remembering-not to do what my ancesstoral entitiez-taught...
like a disease this shit-will-be-caught...
I'm figuring that by the time you hear this as you listen-I-rot...

I swore my greatest protection would be weaponz-of-flesh...
strapped a vest-on-my-chest I thought I was the best-of-the-best
but I figured wrong instead-I'm-depressed...
cause the only way I could learn my greatest life lesson-was death...
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Old 09-02-03, 06:11 AM   #2
James Bondage
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Not a bad piece for that late at night, flow was a little shaky to start with but you picked it up as you went on, multi's were consistant with the verse, could of used more internals in my opinion, i got the wordplay in this, you didnt need to use the quotation marks, good vocabulary, original topic, all in all not a bad piece, props.

Reply to my "Time Travellin`" Piece!
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Old 09-02-03, 06:15 AM   #3
Otherwordz
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^^^thanks for the feed...it flowed at 1st but I just made it look like that so the linez would be more even...
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Old 09-02-03, 06:16 AM   #4
Otherwordz
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oh yeah...already peeped ya piece...
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Old 09-02-03, 06:18 AM   #5
COM
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yeah i agree, i'm a great fan of mulites and i think they make a verse tight, this verse had good flow and like above said the multies were consistent all the way through which i liked, TIGHT VERSE dawg, nice
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Old 09-02-03, 06:36 AM   #6
Otherwordz
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thank ya kindly COM...
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Old 09-02-03, 02:52 PM   #7
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uppin'....
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Old 09-03-03, 12:49 AM   #8
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not bad for a late night freestyle.

f my life'z filled with pain then why do I feel empty inside...
^^i liked that line alot


as my "skin dissentigratez" till it starts to "get-on-my-nervez"...
^^really like that one too


not a bad free, u got some skills dawg, keep this shit flowin
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Old 09-03-03, 12:53 AM   #9
Otherwordz
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^^^thank ya Pax...
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Old 09-03-03, 03:20 AM   #10
Otherwordz
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still uppin'...
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Old 09-03-03, 11:23 PM   #11
Otherwordz
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Quote:
Originally posted by King of Thievez
still uppin'...


yup...
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