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09-14-03, 06:58 AM
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#1
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Banned: Compromised Account
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Fuckin' Banana Fruitloop Chocolate Marshmallow Shoelace Faggot MC
IP: C1DA C961
I say fuck the shit that you say like I was boning a mime...
the holy devine mind is right here drinkin a Corona with lime... stoner sublime the drunken wordz will show in due time... blow a few mindz when my only 2 handz can show you 2 ninez... subliminal thoughts I spread sickness from bars... like a criminal caught with genital warts while being inflicted with SARS... it's like I'm spittin' from Mars cause my rhymez are out of this world... I speak drunken wisdom as you pout and you hurl while I shout at ya girl...(holla!!!!!!) when I would fight... in school someone would alwayz break it up after I brought out the pick and the knife... I'm almost as sick as ya wife... when she pulls ya pants down and starts lickin' ya pipes..(HOE!!!!!!) when I was in school I slept more in class than I did in the night... when I battle as soon as I'm grippin' the mic the crowds like "damn..this shit isn't right"... get out of my way before I'm forced to spit out of my tre... just sit down and be gay... shit...ya might as well join a circus...you'll get clowned anyway... son...you wanna step...I can do this all day... my stage presence(presents) is more visible than Santa Claus on Broadway... I'm slick enough to rob in broad day... and still nobody found me at first... they thought that I was just gay... cause I got away with walkin' around with a purse... when I said that I was the best to step it was believable... but Albert Einstein'z idea of an MC squared was inconceivable... just a lil' late night/early morning off the dome piece ya know... Last edited by King of Thievez : 09-15-03 at 05:28 AM. |
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09-14-03, 02:58 PM
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#2
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
uppin'...
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09-14-03, 03:02 PM
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#3
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Banned
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IP: 3A76 93FE
Your structure is really terrible, thats the first thing you need to fix. Also your flow is not the greatest, but I think when your writing an open mic you should actually focus on a topic not just some stupid shit you decided to write and give it a stupid fucking title
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09-14-03, 03:18 PM
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#4
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
^^^lol...a newbie telling me about structure and flow...you probably didn't even read the verse...so GET THE FUCK OUT MY THREAD!!!!!!
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09-14-03, 11:09 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
subliminal thoughts I spread sickness from bars...
like a criminal caught with genital warts while being inflicted with SARS... u from new york? |
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09-15-03, 03:04 AM
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#6
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
Quote:
yup...that's why it says "Brook-nam veteran" in my location...reppin BK to da fullest baby...Crown Heights in the house right here... |
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09-15-03, 03:19 AM
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#7
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 9621 2C61
when I said that I was the best to step it was believable...
but Albert Einstein'z idea of an MC squared was inconceivable... your best line im opinon overall it was good, good vocab, in dire need of structure... i could not find a flow i had to speed up and slow down in order to stay at somewhat of a tempo...sides that it was a good drop i agree with the newb (Bionic)...then again im a newb... take that how you want |
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09-15-03, 03:31 AM
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#8
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
yeah...my fault...that's how it's supposed to flow...I was just kinda experimenting with it ya know...it sounded good when I spit it...but I'm not quite sure how it's supposed to be typed yet...
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09-15-03, 04:57 AM
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#9
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
uppin'...
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09-15-03, 04:59 AM
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#10
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 1B6B AD68
Lol. .
Topic was. . not there, this seemed to me like it was just wrote at randon with no real topic or direction or planning as to where you'd like to take this piece, it was basically what i like to call "Bragging Writes" because thats what it is - a bragging piece where you come with multi's and wordplay but to no set-subject. As stated before me, your structure could use work, the lines were all over the place, and that threw the flow for me, strong use of internals and multi's, but at times you over did it and went one multi' too far and such, you have to get an even balance between multi's and flow, without overdoing / underusing either. All in all a decent piece for what it was, flow could use work, structure needs more practice, writers voice and word choice werent really shown in this piece, try writing to a topic where you need emotion / imagery - those pieces show your varying skills rather than stuff any helf-decent head can drop. Elevation is the key, but your showing potential. Eace-Pay!
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W o r d P e r f e c t  ^This is your IP bitch! |
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09-15-03, 05:03 AM
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#11
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
^^^lol...I was basically just fuckin' around with this piece(hence the title)...experimenting with different flowz and such...but you know I can come with set structure and flow if I was tryin'...but the flow was there...it just wasn't really structered in a way that anybody else but myself could read...lol...but it soundz good in audio...I practiced it to a beat today before I went to work...lol
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09-15-03, 05:31 AM
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#12
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: C1DA C961
I edited it so I could kinda fix the structure...
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09-15-03, 07:09 AM
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#13
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
THIS HOW FAM REP NO DOUBT MAD LOVE TWIN
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09-15-03, 04:49 PM
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#14
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 399E F0FD
^^^fo' sho...
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09-15-03, 04:58 PM
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#15
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Straight Savage.
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IP: 8BEC CACE
Nice lines at sometimes, but at others it seemed a bit lost.
The Flow was ok, hard to catch at first, but it was there. You heard this before, but it definately needs structure. I see that your just fucking around in this piece, which is why it was kinda retarted at parts, but it wasn't even half bad. You did overdo it with the multies though lol. Actually, you should try this style a bit more, if your just experimenting, but fix your structure up, and add more to the flow and less of the multies. But nice drop.
__________________
Only God can judge me, Who THE FUCK IS YOU?! |
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