![]() |
|
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
...
|
[Wk2] Feeble Minded vs T Square
IP: A9A7 727D
Verses Due: Thursday October 15th Voting Ends: Sunday October 18th Topic: Sky Lights
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Checkin in to this Topical again.......................
Sky lights................... |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
Checkin in to this Topical again.......................
Sky lights................... __________________ |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
i see the building's sky light, and poke my pistol through
as i watch the moon shine down on me w/ crystal views drop down like a missle fuse, & begin makin silent havoc sky lights lights turn on, suddenly its all a violent racket as i steal the loot, quick w/ out bothering with imagery thinking of how later some under skylights will mimic me world spins, it's flipped upside down in the pristine night the cops chase me on the roof.. and see my pistol fight its all right, i turn quick and nimble, w/ the least concerns feast on words, cuz its fine now, heres my reason learn its treason, burn, u live your life wrong u dont die right buts its perfect now...seeing the moon under the skylights |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: C1DA C961
Sorry I'm late, work sucks and we all know that as an established fact.......
Now..... Sky Lights::: :::The Quick Fix::: Feelin Cursed It hurts not seein my lovers purse/ On the counter I shower an drown like a flounder/ Ready for suicide no money and debt deeply immersed/ Yet to my dispite my eyes burn from this bright light/ Instead of electric it was an idea that illuminated my head/ Fuck death I'll hit the city that never sleeps instead/ I figure I aint got shit like constipation my brains racein/ Pacin back an forth till I wind up at the train station/ One city slumbers Vegas or NY, hmmm which is it/ I figure I'm "gamblin" either way so I want a Vegas Ticket/ ::The Ride/Arrival:: Across the flat plaines with many thoughts in my brain/ I need something in my life something with no pain/ Just a listening ear, strength when weak, unconditional love/ I figure this figure will come to me right after the Cubs/ Then through the door I see the ceiling lights glimmer/ A man with a cross and a book, says his names Minister/ I was offered a chance to walk above the sunlight during twilight/ I might if not for the fright of what possesions I would sacrifice/ Yeah that would be nice, if I had a few, so to get to the skylights what do I do/? "Attend all my classes and sunday masses I need an assistant, if you dont mind me askin"/ Then the train stops and doors open, I'm hopin to leave the casino's broken/ Still at least thinkin of my words with the priest who left stating/ Gambling and Vegas are both evil and hatefull thiefs/ :::The End of It All::: The slow motion sets in like stimulation of seditation placin/ Half of my bet, back that Black jack to count money stacks/ Twenty, yeah this my money, this may be it, shit I think I'll split/ Bettin almost all on one game, the two cards that deal are the same/ Six up, sixteen both, now do you want the hit, or does this hand fold/ Tap my fingure on the table, and seeing the smile of a dealt king thats faker than fables/ Bust, oh shit, Our nations motto's in god we trust, so should I pray/ Hit...Oh Shit I got back to twenty, at least I keep half my money/ but Befor I grab my stacks the dealer shouts blackjack and takes it back/ Now nothing could go my way, without a home for eternity or just today/ And that day I stared at the Casino Skylights and glimpsed hells Flame/ ::The End:::::::: Sorry its so long, I key these usually, and well, let the voting Begin |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 399E F0FD
i voted on ten battles .
just heloin ya out understatement,, i can see u need the voters... id vote on all of them but i got shit to do. |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
...
|
IP: A9A7 727D
^thanks feeble. Just a few notes.
Don't freepost in your battle. Don't sway in your battle. okay? Feebs-Your verse was very short. The flow was amazing. Your wordplay was really cool, and the imagery was fucking off the hook, no matter what your line said. I could see each thing happening as I read, and it told a very good story. The plot was thin, and I'm not a fan of that net gankstuh shit, but it was still dope. T-Square- Your verse did not flow very well. Your rhymes seemed all forced, like you used the first word that rhymed that came to your mind. There was little or no wordplay. The plot was okay, but it wasn't illustrated very well. I liked the City that never sleeps line. Conclusion was cool. vote-feeble
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||||
Guest
|
IP: 3A76 93FE
Quote:
my favorite line from u feeble, ur verse was pretty decent, liked the begining better then the end, the story of it all wasnt great but the way u wrote most of it grabbed my attention, good work. Quote:
favorite line from sqaure, ur verse was inconsistent, some good lines & some really out of place lines also. ur flow was off & u really need to work on evening out ur lines, but not bad. . My Vote - Feeble |
||||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
ShO-Nuff. Fuckers
|
IP: C1DA C961
Feeble-short piece, but a lot of very good imagery
good rhyme scheme...everything good...work on length. T-square-i was just not following anything out of your verse no rhyme scheme whatsoever,,,mos def need to up that.. vote-Feeble.
__________________
MerK SquAd. <center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center> |
|||||||
![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||||
Guest
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
T-Square's verse had a good deal of rough edges. I didn't have any problem with the flow through much of it. And considering that he took many more chances and had a more involved subject, AND it was long, is fine by me. Feeble's verse didn't mean a whole lot to me. The imagery is the strength here. Both had a hold on the topic, one was more abstract, but that makes it no less attached. This fantasy-facade gangster doings doesn't make it for me. It verges on battle/bragadocio material. Maybe if this unfolded into a greater depth, it could win, but as is it's a solid technical piece that falls short in a number of ways for myself.
Vote-T Square |
||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||||||
[.Eclipse.]
|
IP: 90A0 94DE
Feeble's verse was better skilled than T-quares BUT T-squares was more original. hmm... tough one here...
originality - square flow - feeble artistry (paintin a pic) - feeble AND at times like dude above me said, tsquare seemed forced as hell so... vote - feeble
__________________
1st Battle In Legends Bars Of War - Champ L.L.L. - Former HWeight Champ S.S. - Hall Of Fame The Eclipse... |
|||||||
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
||||
Eddy.
|
IP: FF40 570D
Vote - Feeble
Better structured,..short to the point,...was ok , .. good nuff to beat T-Square....
__________________
Fuck you |
||||
![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
|||
...
|
IP: A9A7 727D
feeble wins.
t square will be competing in a casket match next week. [closed]
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
|||
![]() |
![]() |
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|