-The Gift-




Gift of life?...gifts arent supposed to b taken back-
why do we die?..gone for good, never to make it back-
we never expect it to happen to anyone near us-
Damn!!...no longer needing to yell at god for u to hear us-
bury our kids?..in a perfect world that would b unheard of-
in search of an answer...on the living I base my concern on-
ever close your eyes and dreamed.. of what it would be like?.-
if the closest thing in your life..would wave her final byes-
damn that would be tough i dont think i would cope-
i really wish i would die first, and fill my cup with hope-
tears fill empty rivers to row against the sea of sorrow-
maybe if I blink tomorrow, God would give u back the life u borowed-



R.I.P Clair...

__________________

MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>

Pretty decent, work on internals and rhyming
with different words & you'll be writing better
also work on some more imagery, put me in
this open mic, make it so I feel im going threw
what your telling us in the peice, good work
I know you'll pull something out soon thats

Dope..

^^i agree, the flow was on target, the wordplay was ok, the vocab was pretty good. overall id rate that a 6-7/10. that was pretty good, but it could still use some improvement.

yo can u return the favor and please post a reply on this?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81167
thanx

peace.....

Can see the emotion in this...

I think thats why you had problems with internals and such...

Keep writing though....
Good emotional drop man...

Peep
Huh? ft Chrit

This was a good read i thought, your flow was good too, your wordplay was alright, and your vocab was pretty good also, overall it was pretty good i thought, and if you get the chance check out my peice called "Losing Hope" thanks.

thank you for the feedback ..the reason i wrote what i wrote was because a good friend of mine died in a car accident two days ago and i just wanted to write not your average open mic piece but i just wrote what was in my head first......thank you for the feedback.

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MerK SquAd.

<center><img src=http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=8889&stc=1></center>

...yo i thought that was deep...
...really feeling that...
...good vocab...
..."tears fill empty rivers to row against the sea of sorrow-
maybe if I blink tomorrow, God would give u back the life u borowed-"... dope
...U got real potential...

This was really tight...

All i can say is you doen your freind justice

And...

I feel for you

That was good shit. You had the emotion in it. Your friend will be proud. I know what your feelin. I lost somebody close to me too!

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

emotion can be detected by the audience..and in my opinion if your heart is into it the mechanics dont have to be perfected. nice read, a bunch of lines that really made me think..and while this may not be the best put together peace, it still ranks high in my book due to the content.

I like, deep, could flow together a lil better. The end came together though, so that was ok. the message was felt, and thats all that matters.