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View Poll Results: how was this open mic
aiiight for 1st time 2 100.00%
ill, 0 0%
shit............ 0 0%
needs work 0 0%
Voters: 2. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-07-03, 06:25 AM   #1
Trah Siph
Masquarading 4 U
 
Posts: 762
Joined: Sep 2003
From: Ingerland!
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Text Record: 13-5
new keystyle

IP: 6F9E F23B

new keystyle check it:


With this deep shit and urban decay
I wish I could sprout wings, and fly away
to a brighter day, cos seein violence has got me crazed
to the point we dish out beatins and we aint even phased
Days of the poor and dangerous, life is hard
steppin out ya door leaves ya perminantly or mentally scared
so I need top chill, take some prozac or some shit
to cheer me up, cos I feel under the weather and shit





not that long but hit it up
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sigs are for herbs...Thats why I got one!
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Old 10-07-03, 06:36 AM   #2
WORD~PERFECT
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very basic it is a start but not the best one you need work alot of it but you got potential to be real good keep posting pop and pee my omens peace
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Old 10-07-03, 01:16 PM   #3
Mr.Christensen
Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
 
Posts: 2,488
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IP: E050 384F

the structure needs help, try to get a similar syllabul count in each line
the vocab was not that bad...flow was kinda off
drop longer pieces next time
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Old 10-07-03, 03:15 PM   #4
MonStar
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ok, flow could use some work, vocab was ok, overall it was really pretty basic....try dropping something a lil longer next time...keep dropping though, you'll get better the more you write...
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Old 10-07-03, 05:52 PM   #5
Hellbound
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yo it was aight....short but ok for yo first...yo you could av improved on yo vocab an multies, internals....
keep droppin...
peace........
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