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10-07-03, 02:32 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Cold Night
IP: F11D C4BA
I stand here looking down,
Where I once bore a smile now only a frown, Life seems to have slipped farther away, Feeling like I did on that cold long day, I remember it all to well, My heart fell into the grips of hell, I have never seen so many tears, Backed against the wall trapped by my fears, I slipped away stone cold into my own room, The soft crimson smell was my perfume, I only remember the black as my eyes closed, I awoke within a puddle my weakness exposed, That all happened weeks ago as I think now, I hated myself wishing I was strong trying to find out how, How this happened to me out of all the people in the world, But like a cyclone my life was picked up and it all swirled, I now thinking deeper becoming my souls true keeper, The chances I have taken let me know I do not fear the reaper, So I sit back another life slowly dieing but not mine, The life belongs to my pen as its ink goes away in each line. Peace. |
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10-07-03, 02:58 PM | #2 | |||||||
Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Im unsure if you switched your name from somethign
that was regular before but theres rules in this forum and all of the others...so please reply to others before posting your own poetic scriptures in this forum..its only fair i didnt look that far into for this reason so ill come back again... thank you for your time and attention reno starr Last edited by Content : 10-07-03 at 03:00 PM. |
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10-07-03, 02:58 PM | #3 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: 7AA4 D75E
I stand here looking down,
Where I once bore a smile now only a frown, Life seems to have slipped farther away, Feeling like I did on that cold long day, that was kinda odd to me you have great structure thats for sure but the smile to frown has been put in so many poems that i think its bout tyme for someone to REWORD it and give it a new life I remember it all to well, My heart fell into the grips of hell, I have never seen so many tears, Backed against the wall trapped by my fears, tears, fears smple ryhme scheme for a simple peice i like the simplicity of this tho its a peice you can pop click n read in 30 seconds instead of struggling your way through it I slipped away stone cold into my own room, The soft crimson smell was my perfume, I only remember the black as my eyes closed, I awoke within a puddle my weakness exposed, I LOVE THE PERFUME line that was great its like your waking up and realising HEY SELF IM STILL HERE nah mean That all happened weeks ago as I think now, I hated myself wishing I was strong trying to find out how, How this happened to me out of all the people in the world, But like a cyclone my life was picked up and it all swirled, so often have i felt swirled that it seems everyone else is standing still and im floating on by them in chaos, a mess, destruction of my own self I now thinking deeper becoming my souls true keeper, The chances I have taken let me know I do not fear the reaper, So I sit back another life slowly dieing but not mine, The life belongs to my pen as its ink goes away in each line. i personally dont fear the reaper and i dont see why many do WHEN he comes he comes and theres no stopping him this was a nice simple poem , spilling of visuals, but truth be knwn I DIDNT get the feeling of a cold night. purpose defeated? no i dont think so maybe just another path taken...................[/b] pay back the favor some day eh? |
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10-08-03, 12:46 PM | #4 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 399E F0FD
i really liked the content in your poem you stayed with your
subject and like hazy said a few lines were childs play but still the rest of it carried that part to the back of my mind. definately worth the read. Keep writing.
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10-13-03, 01:29 PM | #5 | |||||||
BANNED
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IP: 7AA4 D75E
upping i feel this peice needs more replies and more insight it really is a nice peice
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