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OriginIll
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Painting A Loss
IP: D79C 2834
as i ride down life's slide & cruise through each twist & turn
i hide the bruises on my wrists from every lesson ive learned earned the right to choose my fights without getting burned but latley the sparks' conspire to ignite & move me to be spurned sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it so i take my cluttered mind & clear it.. it fills up again till its swole strolling through my thoughts are memories, they skip un-controlled told stories hold past experiences w/ no necessary explanation why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder now there is no stopping it like being stoned by boulders droppin falling through each hour's top as it topples down through the bottom blocking any chances of joy as passing romances are destroyed im dancing on an endless void to music of depression that plays repeatedly as my emotions are toyed more than annoyed at how the situation seems to be simply drawn but the picture was blurry w/ the doubt i'd been scribbling on thought my future was gone, death stole my artist & i kept thinking.. why? but before she left, she etched her breath in my dream like the moon's eye it said: "Destiny Will Pen Hurt Too, But Don't Cry... The Ink Will Soon Dry" i framed the image of her smile in my mind... then i said my good bye |
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OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Downin
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
THIS WAS POWERFUL AND IM PISSED IT GOT SLEPT ON TO MUCH MEANING TO FADE OUT SO IM UPPIN THIS FOR YOU TWIN
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Guest
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IP: F757 E505
sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit
soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it Sick... that's all I have to say... loved this piece... |
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Guest
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IP: CD15 C29E
this was nice..
your multis in this piece kinda used some work..also tha flow suffered a bit.. but tha vocab was well used..metas was good.. eh solid piece i guess good shit 1 |
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OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Thanks for the reply's ... except Nomad, its obvious you have no
idea what you are talking about... peace |
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Guest
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IP: 0684 7861
Evolve my good man.... you never seem to cease to amaze me... flow was crazy, internals were dope... deep piece... I flow out loud everything I read on here and I was vibing on this verse from beginning to end...
My Fav. Part: Quote:
Damn.... you're still the only one of RB to actually beat me.. Fag! |
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Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
I really liked this piece BUT..... I think it could have been brought
out better, meaning.... some parts rambled on a little bit... some lines didn't really fit, they were longer than others so when I read it , it came out not how I think that you said it in your mind.
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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3> <BR> <BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I> |
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OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Apprecitated....
& Meta.. nothing but respect fam |
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Guest
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IP: 9B91 D0C6
as i ride down life's slide & cruise through each twist & turn
i hide the bruises on my wrists from every lesson ive learned Tight flow..reads crazy smooth..deep lines aswell..feelin this earned the right to choose my fights without getting burned but latley the sparks' conspire to ignite & move me to be spurned Yeh feelin this 2..nice rhyme pattern..makes it read smooth sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it Feelin the 2nd line..tight shit..deeep so i take my cluttered mind & clear it.. it fills up again till its swole strolling through my thoughts are memories, they skip un-controlled Ya good at expersin shit..feelin this again..flows on point..rhymes nice..on topic told stories hold past experiences w/ no necessary explanation why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion 2nd line reads real nice..1st's tight..feelin it replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten kinda off topic..stil tight shit..nice scheme n ish as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder ice n bone shit is tight feelin tht line now there is no stopping it like being stoned by boulders droppin falling through each hour's top as it topples down through the bottom yeh tight again..lol..ya got talent blocking any chances of joy as passing romances are destroyed im dancing on an endless void 2nd line cudda been longer..feelin y u did it liek tht tho to music of depression that plays repeatedly as my emotions are toyed more than annoyed at how the situation seems to be simply drawn didnt rhyme at the end rhymed inbetween tho..tight shit but the picture was blurry w/ the doubt i'd been scribbling on thought my future was gone, death stole my artist & i kept thinking.. why? yeh nice but before she left, she etched her breath in my dream like the moon's eye aint feelin the end to much the weakest part..reads liek u wanted to get it over wit this is tight shit..deep n meaninfull..tight rhymes vocab all tht ish..props well ernt..ya got talent Keep droppin http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87141 ^^ me vs Token its 1-1 Last edited by FleX : 10-23-03 at 10:05 AM. |
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Guest
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IP: 6EA7 8DC3
damn this was a tight ass drop, fo real yo
Quote:
nice ass shit yo, those were my fav lines |
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The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
Damn E ... This piece was dope as shit ... Nice topic ... Got it across very well ... Good structure and all of that ...
why does love loss stay lost when its tossed through each & every occasion replacement is not an option, facing a fear that the lesson watching will teach something not willing to be absorbed, then easily forgotten as a result.. my heart has gotten to be deformed, wretched & rotten morphed into ice & bone, frozen from the world's cold shoulder That was my favorite part in this piece ... I thought it was put 2gether perfect ... Deep too ... I really liked it a lot ... sooner or later my ashes will be urned, concerned is my spirit soul yurns to be whole again but the missing part doesnt hear it Those two lines were really dope there too ... Nice to see you comin' dope as always man ... Keep doin' your thing ... Peace |
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OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Appreciate all that replied... Respect Mentill
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Guest
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IP: 0D29 2657
beautifull use of words dog
u shud put that one up on poetic scriptures as well a one word summary of it: ILL peace keep droppin yo |
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OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Appreciated....
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