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Old 11-26-03, 10:55 AM   #1
menolin
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thoughts

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This is what is going through my mind at the moment when i wrote this!!!

memories, emblazed in mind like the burning of an ember,
pain, causing confusion, asking why did certain things happen,
love, is something that the feeling is never overpowered,
regret, is felt after the wrong doing of an living thing,
co-ordination, with a friend takes away both peoples individuality,
divides, create two sides of a story, when a breathing creature,
confusion, is something that none of us can perfectly deifine,
trust, is something imaginary a word which can be broken by most
trouble, never comes in a small dose, only in large quantitys,
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Old 11-26-03, 05:57 PM   #2
menolin
\/ pissing me off!!!!
 
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uppin for feedback y'all
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Old 11-26-03, 06:12 PM   #3
Dadi Kewl
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mmmmmm not feelin the concept....
and some of the lines werent connecting aswell as they could..
But......your feeling of that time was clear...
I felt you were at a cross road's just pondering lifes
Glitches and Sub divisions.....i nice little insghtfull look
into a potentially good Poet

Keep writing

Pz.
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Old 11-26-03, 09:07 PM   #4
DthsMissingAngel
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Nice. Structure was a lil off, kinda mad the flow a lil weird too. I like the concept of it, and this is a good way to get ur thoughts out.

trust, is something imaginary a word which can be broken by most
trouble, never comes in a small dose, only in large quantitys
^these were my fav lines, and yet they are soo true. The two things that im basically happen to me, so i can relate.

Overall good job. Keep it up. respect
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Old 11-26-03, 11:32 PM   #5
It
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yo i thought it was tight
dont matter if it wasnt the best
it just matters that u tried dogg
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