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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-30-03, 01:00 AM
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#1
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Guest
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Soldiers Cry
IP: 57AA 0782
i have a friend whose in service in iraq, we were talking via e-mail and these are the things that i could just feel after reading his message.....
tranquility, serenity, peace of mind doesnt come, in this hell of mine hope for the lost and missin prayers float, and im caught wishin seein you agian, but till that day comes ill have to fight my way, back to you with my gun nothing compares to the horros ive seen nothing can turn me back, make me agian serene all im longin is one simple day to look outside and see children play instead, what i see when i look out the window a wife, that was a mother, now becomes a widow one days a victory, but these lives lost are the war people wanna be free not police'd no more Lord help me im prayin every day cause i dont know how much more i can take bring me home and leave this all behind no more pain and sufferin seen w/these eyes of mine the quote above is a fav. of my friend he asked me to include it |
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11-30-03, 03:14 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: C948 6AB1
hey guys how bout upp for some feed back, my friend was wantin to know how it went i told him i posted last night
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11-30-03, 03:17 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: A70C 8BB7
I like it alot...
you can feel the emotion it comes right through instead, what i see when i look out the window a wife, that was a mother, now becomes a widow one days a victory, but these lives lost are the war people wanna be free not police'd no more ^very nice line great peice |
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12-01-03, 09:12 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 554A 44F1
I'd say that you portrayed emotions well. As far as the peice as a whole the technical errors took away from it. Uneven bars, mispelled words, gramatical errors, and the uneven flow of proper and improper were misplaced. Not hatin, jus statin.
P.S: It's "shake it, shake it, ah ahh, shake it like a polaroid picture" Jus so you knew incase you wanted to fix it. But hey you mighta meant it like that.... peace |
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12-02-03, 08:36 AM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 554A 44F1
thanx for the profile fix, yeah the reason for the grammar errors would be my slow butt computer at the house, its wont put up words you type till like 5 mins later, so i really couldnt see it an jus to lazy to go back and correct , thanx for the constructive crit, i dotn hink your hatin, id rather you tll it like it is than candy coat it. thanx
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12-09-03, 08:42 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 554A 44F1
yo uppin for some more reps
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12-09-03, 05:11 PM
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#7
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"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
Well Calisto summed it up, not much more to add from a technical aspect. I can how ever touch on the subject matter. It needs to be voiced, the bottled up emotions of our warriors overseas is what I mean. I have been there and so many other hotspots in this crisis stricken day and age. It always helps me to wrtite down my feelings and vent, but so many do not have that luxory or gift. It's nice what your doing for your friend, he's over there busting his ass for others to live a fraction of the life we have here in the USA. He's doing the right thing, even though it can seem pointless at times, but when you look at the overall good, he's right inline with it. I would like to thank your friend for his brave service and commitment to the cause, it's a just and needed one. Like I have stated before, I have been there, although I am not enlisted, I serve this country and the free world on a daliy basis. God bless those fighting tyranny and upholding the pursuit of freedom.
~Bounce~
__________________
FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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