my brainstorming brings nothing but a dark cumulus cloud//
and i can't fuckin think because it rumbles so loud//
oh no here come the raindrops, mentally drenching me//
this storm is so bad it's physically preventing me from becoming anything i'd ever want to be//
when lord will this rain ever let up?//
when i'm on the verge of crazy because i'm so fed up?//
i need a guiding light to lead me to the right path//
even a brief moment of sunshine, so i can be released from this storms wrath//
but i can't get away because the clouds follow so close//
how can i escape this unforgiving but ever present host?//
it swallows my mind, then swallows me whole//
i try to stay dry but it's drenching my soul//
and this thing, this thing destroys me in my entirety//
and i just sit here patiently, hoping someone will inspire me//
but nobody's come and nothing has changed//
and i'm oh so close to becoming deranged//
there's nothing i can do to break this spell, and i'm tired of being stuck in this personal hell//
everything i am is washing away*dispersed into the puddles that i trudge through today//
and i'm looking so hard but there's nothing worth finding//
my eyes can't adjust because this lightning's so blinding//
like the crack of a whip, it's striking all around//
i'm calling out for help but my voice is muffled by the sound//
don't make this mistake..don't let this happen to you//
because trust me, you don't want to end up here too//
this is just a warning to anyone who feels lost//
do everything in your power to find the way..no matter what the cost.................

this is just some shit i wrote a while back..i was in a tough place in my life and this piece personified me exactly back then...just wonderin what ya'll thought...

also you guys should check out Cold Equations...and Soft Focusetermination..and nightime sorrow...those are three i happened to look at and was damn impressed with that shit...you guys should reply on those as well...

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

feedback please.............good or bad i just want to see some opinions......................................

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

uppin for feed back...........lemme know what ya'll think...............

Diverse "Words Manifested"...................................

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

uppin one last time.............................................. .................................................. ....................................

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

woow i really liked it

great imagary on the storm and i felt your emotions, flow was nice..only a couple of slow spots

im sorry your gettin slept on i feel the pain

thats the only problem here is how much sleeping goes on its incredibly weak...its not that hard to type up a some quick feedback for someone, cause i know for a fact that pointers help and can really up people skills...

anyone thanks for peeping my stuff and given me a shout out much appreciated...

i think ill write a peice about sleepin

keep it up man

hey man i appreciate the feedback a lot...just tryin to elevate but its hard when you don't really get any advice...i'll be sure to check out the next piece you write....one.

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

uppin for just a little more feedback..........i like to hear opinions and shit.............................................

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">

aye this piece right here was sweet i really did like it, most of the time i read though people drops and nothing really catchs my eye until i read this drop. but keep writing i be back to read more

__________________
i'm between a beat and a hard place

hey thanx for the input..................i'll post some more stuff later on................................................ ..................................

__________________
<img src="http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=7548">