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07-01-08, 04:27 AM | #1 | |||||||
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Your love is my demise
IP: 4620 C478
It eats me alive
I've, been restless since it arived Lied to aid its hide It wants to escape it wants to be known It plagues at the gates it hates to be alone Lend it an ear pour me a beer Drunk minds speaks sober thoughts so I'll let you all hear Something so gruesome I knew some would fear This speech better this spell spawned in hell and brought to you here A tale of my past my downfall my failure at last She prayed I'd decay before my concience prevailed Before judge and a jury I say I fear not a jail Ready thy self for there isn't a help Once from my lips these trechorous words be delt T'was I who done it the reason he's dead But it was she who encouraged and put the thoughts in my head You wished this upon me conned me to action Bask in your glory wish I could see your reaction The crimson of wrist leaks quiet and still A peaceful expression I did this in will My act was suiccide this letter penned before I died My secret no longer hides I loved you... ...to death
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-01-08, 04:39 AM | #2 | |||||||
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IP: 4620 C478
Can't leave links since i wrote this on my phone and dropped but i left feed on
It's a beautiful noise by Germ and Half Man Pat by S.V.
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-01-08, 04:42 AM | #3 | ||||
Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 2799 F4A7
I'll leave feed when i get off of work.
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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer |
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07-03-08, 04:44 PM | #4 | ||||
Within Eternity's Wither
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IP: 2799 F4A7
Well, i shouldn't have to go to those pieces just to see if you left feed on those pieces i'll check'em out later and if you didn't i'll close this and anything else you drop for 3 months.
But feed wise, wasn't really impressed by the flow nor the word choice, plenty of vivid imagry to a certain extent so not bad on that, emotion could've been basic but the structure really fucks the piece up visually, could've been alot better but i understand its from your phone so props for that.
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crhyme sindicate
Open Mic Hall Of Famer |
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07-03-08, 06:12 PM | #5 | |||||||
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IP: 9566 0412
Thanks for the feed. Sorry i didn't post links i can't copy and paste on the celly. It was a 10 minute keystyle might drop it in audio
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-08-08, 07:06 PM | #6 | ||||
Peace, Love, Unity
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IP: 9244 687A
Eh. this was not that well written. It was an alright read but could have been written better. I did like the story that you layed out and thought that the end was the best out of all out it. But it could have been better. Good shit though.
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07-08-08, 09:52 PM | #7 | |||||||
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IP: FC83 CA2A
Thanks Kirk good feed. Nice sig I dig The Beatles
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-08-08, 10:36 PM | #8 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: E9A6 7493
yea no disrespect but i didnt like this at all. it really had no imagery, emotion was average and that was probably the best thing about it, flow and vocab was basic and you really didnt have the good of a word selection. no trying to be harsh, just speaking how i feel. looks like u didnt really even try. but stay up and try again. good luck wit ya future drops
3/10
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C.S. The Definition of a Vet...
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07-08-08, 10:40 PM | #9 | |||||||
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IP: 3053 2019
None taken. Appreciate the feed none the less
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-11-08, 05:31 PM | #10 | |||||||
New to RV
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IP: 21D6 AF37
piece wasn't all that bad i feel sum the things u said could have been better but hey who am i? lookin forward to more drops
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~~~WhItEbOy MaGiC~~~ |
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07-11-08, 06:11 PM | #11 | |||||||
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IP: 24D8 D540
Thanks appreciate it glad to see another active cat on RV
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THE TRUTH IS I'M BETTER THAN YOU |
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07-13-08, 10:30 PM | #12 | ||||
-da prophit-
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IP: F5B0 26CB
good verse and i understand the written part being from celly, fav. line was the drunkin mind speak sober thoughts... its so true sometimes... very good shit.. overall it could have been longer but still good. i liked it. overall 7/10
keep droppin cus we can only get better... not worse
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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father. |
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07-14-08, 01:00 AM | #13 | |||||||
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IP: 878F A0FB
Word thanks for the feedback. Scanz where you been?
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