Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread | Display Modes |
11-26-03, 01:28 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
|
dont know the title i was in a bad mood so i just started writing
IP: CEF5 716F
drip drip drip
blood spattered concrete the knot around my neck the floor beneath my feet which will take me first? th noose about my throat or the razors ruby flow quenching the cement's thirst swaying back and forth my body growing cold death dirives so much courage how did i become so bold so tell me mom what what happened to your son? you always thought he disobeyed for fun the thing he kept inside was always so descrete but this secret he tried with all not to keep he tried to tell u but u turned your ear bickering and problems were all u could hear he told you you would be sorry and thats what he meant it wasnt just a cunning punchline to end and argument not to worry mother, for my sins i did repent i guess its Gods choice now as to where i will be sent kid donovan |
||||||
11-26-03, 03:35 AM | #2 | |||||||
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
|
IP: 1A6F 5237
Well first, welcome to rb.com's poetry board. I hope you stay, elevate, give feedback, and make this place a community worth frequenting.
As for your poem... Ok, the first verse caught my eye. But it made me feel this was such a conventional oh so gothier than thou peice of scheiße suicide poem. I hate that stuff. But.. ...the second verse you had some real raw talent shining through on it. Seriously. I think for no other reason than it was simple and concise, and very deeply personal. I think that's what got me. Either way, nice scheiße. ~Shalom~ |
|||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|