RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-26-03, 01:28 AM   #1
kid donovan
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
dont know the title i was in a bad mood so i just started writing

IP: CEF5 716F

drip drip drip
blood spattered concrete
the knot around my neck
the floor beneath my feet
which will take me first?
th noose about my throat
or the razors ruby flow quenching the cement's thirst
swaying back and forth
my body growing cold
death dirives so much courage
how did i become so bold

so tell me mom what what happened to your son?
you always thought he disobeyed for fun
the thing he kept inside was always so descrete
but this secret he tried with all not to keep
he tried to tell u but u turned your ear
bickering and problems were all u could hear
he told you you would be sorry and thats what he meant
it wasnt just a cunning punchline to end and argument
not to worry mother, for my sins i did repent
i guess its Gods choice now as to where i will be sent

kid donovan
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-26-03, 03:35 AM   #2
The Necromancer
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
 
The Necromancer's Avatar
 
Posts: 817
Joined: Feb 2002
From: Cottage Grove, Oregon
Status: Offline
Text Record: 2-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1A6F 5237

Well first, welcome to rb.com's poetry board. I hope you stay, elevate, give feedback, and make this place a community worth frequenting.

As for your poem...

Ok, the first verse caught my eye. But it made me feel this was such a conventional oh so gothier than thou peice of scheiße suicide poem. I hate that stuff. But..

...the second verse you had some real raw talent shining through on it. Seriously. I think for no other reason than it was simple and concise, and very deeply personal. I think that's what got me. Either way, nice scheiße.

~Shalom~
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:37 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.