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05-20-04, 07:01 PM | #1 | |||||||
Flyweight
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:: gimme alittle feedback on this please ::
IP: 9AE7 AA5A
ok this has gotta be one of my spits from the heart. still unfinshed but can i get sum feedback on how it is so far.
though i walk through the vally of the shadow of death/ my head is high, i dont look right or left/ i got my blinkers aiming str8 for my goal/ fuk da crime, da hussly and dem dutty ass hoes/ i dnt entten to gt mixed up in da pol-li-tricks/ or wined up , sukin on sum1s dick/ nah i got my mind on a level/ so dats no doing work of dat minipulating devil/ i got my head screwed, so i stay in skool/ so dat no fukin around, even doe it maybe cool/ i aint takin lifes, incase dere ready 2 take mine/ in dat case, in da river , their body you wud fine/ i blaze, but i dnt go over board/ u cud find ur self, chopping heads wid samari swords/ im glad dat i can read and write/ u gimmic ass fools, jst give me da mic/ ill be spitting wise words forever and ever im 2 clever / so ull neva c me and sharks together/ ( music indusry sharks ) im from london, and im proud to be/ i aint no muddafukin U.S wannabe/ (hook) this is life im talkin, u gotta b ready 4 it/ cos it aint waitin 4 u, it dnt give a shit/ it will jst take u out like dat/ one day ur livin in da sky, next ur livin wid a rat/ this is life im talkin, u gotta b ready 4 it/ cos it aint waitin 4 u, it dnt give a shit/ it will jst take u out like dat/ one day ur linin da sky, next ur livin wid a rat/ dis world is seriously to fuked up/ one wrong look and ur face gets mucked up/ to many gyals are skets,but u jst cnt tell/ it cud be amy,katie or maybe michelle/ too many gyals dat fink they're 2 nice/ gwanin like ur innocent, pure white like rice/ wen u bin jucied more times den a sewers got mice/ and u fool fool bois have to pay da price/ cos u jump in wid out ur dom/ it dnt care hu u r, it dnt care where ur from/ cos HIV is jst ready 2 spike/ u dumbass fool, dat dnt do it rite/ you got da fake mcs dat fink dat ur hot/ finking ur a bigman wen seriously your reali not/ walkin street wid dat battyman man bop/ robbing youtz, jst for a next shot/ goin next endz for the gun shop/ you've got an ak, and your ready to pop/ leavin bodies dead, layin 2 rot/ cum on people dis beef jst has gotta stop/ ok can i get sum feedbakc on dis please
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delinquent 4 life all bout da UK hip hop, dnt take us lightly always ready 4 a challenge |
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05-20-04, 07:16 PM | #2 | |||
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IP: DF7B C8F7
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S-Own Squod RB Text Tourney Finalist Orginal Relaunched Member. Password Aka The Masked 2nd Moderator on Rapverse Ever Not quite legendary yet.... |
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05-20-04, 07:23 PM | #3 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 9AE7 AA5A
yeh i kno, but cos i iant on broadband its much slower. anyway wot u fink of my spit?????
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delinquent 4 life all bout da UK hip hop, dnt take us lightly always ready 4 a challenge |
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05-20-04, 07:27 PM | #4 | |||
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IP: DF7B C8F7
Wanna i starting reading it
I thought what the fuck HE`s biting lines from Coolio . .But you must have just catch phrased it I would say you need alot of work on you`re VOCAB........ You`re rhyme scheme is too basic to many gyals are skets,but u jst cnt tell/ it cud be amy,katie or maybe michelle/ ^ Yo whats this gotta do with you`re heart . . It`s Aight i guess since you`re new im go with 6/10 . . Just need the vocab fixed peace..
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S-Own Squod RB Text Tourney Finalist Orginal Relaunched Member. Password Aka The Masked 2nd Moderator on Rapverse Ever Not quite legendary yet.... |
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05-20-04, 07:33 PM | #5 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 9AE7 AA5A
srry man, it actuallty a garage spit ( well parts arre anyway ) da 1st verse is all rap which was kinda from da heart, its actually about life. anyway more feedback.
o and m-sections dat e-messenger is propa slo and shit dats y i dnt use it.
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delinquent 4 life all bout da UK hip hop, dnt take us lightly always ready 4 a challenge |
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05-20-04, 07:36 PM | #6 | ||||
*D.I.E*
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IP: A4D4 2931
like m section said this verse was extremely basic. the vocab n multis were lackin severly along with the metaphors. it flowed okay but ya need to hit a dictionary and expand ya knowledge
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:*fAiLUrEs*: two and counting |
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