RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 01-24-04, 12:57 AM   #1
Prevailed Rue
New to RB
 
Prevailed Rue's Avatar
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Jan 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
The Dreamer

IP: 1B3B C284

The eternal bleeding keeps this man believing
Without reason theres no hope for achieving
So he grips delay..lets the life slowly play
For the shadows gray..an the man lost his way
But the moment severs..dreams are forever
..Opens His Mind..
The huminly treasure..and focuses on plesure
Thus sees true meaning..devils stop screaming
His head stops leaning..he begins to dreaming
Reaches out slow..as does a flower preparing to grow
As the peek climaxes pro..he sores as easily as a crow
With out a worry in sight..just a moment thats right
A dream from his life..
realising..
Dreams are special..not a dramatic sacrifice

So he reaches for his priorities..and grasps to his wishes
Determinly grabs fates maturity..prays..so angles listen

Granted him a unselfish command..
..that..
He could become an honest man
__________________
Battle Verse You Suck
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113510
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04, 06:30 AM   #2
Dev
1E
 
Posts: 1,512
Joined: Oct 2003
From: N.E.England
Status: Offline
Text Record: 15-3
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 5AF5 5CA5

thought it had good flow, but it seemed repetative, the way you rhymed it... some internals would take that away... make it read better... also watch the syllables... keep at it
Send a message via AIM to Dev   Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04, 10:07 AM   #3
Prevailed Rue
New to RB
 
Prevailed Rue's Avatar
 
Posts: 88
Joined: Jan 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1B3B C284

^^thanks uppen
__________________
Battle Verse You Suck
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113510
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04, 10:14 AM   #4
1rstDraft
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 139F E278

Yea i was deffinately feelin this verse... I agree with Dev that it came off a lil repetative tho...

The eternal bleeding keeps this man believing
Without reason theres no hope for achieving
So he grips delay..lets the life slowly play
For the shadows gray..an the man lost his way
^^Feelin this

- 1d
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-04, 10:26 AM   #5
Penskills
Banned: Spamming
 
Penskills's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,551
Joined: Dec 2003
From: ``Mahayana
Status: Offline
IP: C1DA C961

..Not bad..not bad at all..good flow..although it was a little repetitive..decent rhyme scheme..overall decent..
Send a message via ICQ to Penskills Send a message via AIM to Penskills   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:48 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.