RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-17-03, 05:19 PM   #1
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Unhappy Are you still? (please read)

IP: 6236 079F

This is a piece that means a great deal to me. Its a little short, but I would very much appreciate feedback on it. Theres not much flow, but I had to get these feelings out.


I love you yet was it a mistake?…
It seems like you push yourself farther away…
What is happening?…
Did any of your feelings change?…
I love you with all my heart…
Yet I wonder if I’m making a mistake…
Did I?…
Times get hard, I understand…
But can you tell me if you still love me?…
If you have interest in someone else…
Would you tell me?…
Maybe its just me, but all the signs are clear…
They say you have love for someone else…
Is this true?…
I’m wondering because I’ve been so in love with you…
Are you still in love with me?…
I’m scared because I don’t want to lose you…
So please, tell me if it is still true…
No matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you…

Last edited by DthsMissingAngel : 11-17-03 at 06:20 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 05:35 PM   #2
uraddiction
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2970 7FD1

i liked this one i liked tho words you used and how u used them. one of the reasons why i like it so much is because i am going throught the same exact thing. i thought u did a great job the flow seamed a lil off but overall i think you did a great jobs
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 05:38 PM   #3
Dr.Gonzo
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: A70C 8BB7

I like it, it kinda hard to fully understand cause im sure theres no way to write the raw emotions you feel..

theres not much of a flow, but i think that might of been your point

But i get what your trying to say..

good luck working things out..
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 06:04 PM   #4
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 399E F0FD

Thanks for the feed. I wasnt really thinkin bout flow and whatnot, just needed to get my feelings out. He did read this and reassured me that he loved me just as much. Thanks again for the feedback. Keep it comin.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 06:16 PM   #5
Twizted Ayngel
Light Weight
 
Twizted Ayngel's Avatar
 
Posts: 258
Joined: Nov 2003
From: New Jersey
Status: Offline
Text Record: 2-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: F845 C337

tha flow was a lil off but the piece was ill because of all the emotion you put in it. niice ass job
__________________
<center>Fuck it...</center>
Send a message via Yahoo to Twizted Ayngel   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 06:26 PM   #6
filed
Sharp Perfection.
 
filed's Avatar
 
Posts: 450
Joined: Dec 2002
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 4427 B15C

you can tell this piece was written for emotion not for anything else, like you said, coz you can feel your pain, how lost you feel. and it is easy to feel, because so many ppl have felt the same way as you, and have asked themselves the same questions as you did in this piece.

this tends to be a topic written over and over again, but you made yours worth the read, althogh i still felt it could have been more unique in your own way.

~Tera~
DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
Send a message via AIM to filed Send a message via MSN to filed Send a message via Yahoo to filed   Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 07:18 PM   #7
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 399E F0FD

Thanks for the feed, it is much appreciated. I was thinkin bout changin it a little to make it better, but im in writers block and cant think of what else to write. I'll ponder on it for a while. Thanks again for the feedback.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 09:06 PM   #8
Smooth JT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 8722 950A

This was a great read. The emotion was shown wit a bit of confusion on how he feels for you. The point is shown and you got your feelings out. Thats what counts the most. I hope everything works out for you in the long run. Spect JT
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-17-03, 11:07 PM   #9
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 399E F0FD

Thanks much babe. Its all startin to work out the way it did once before. I'm not lettin this one go. Thanks for all the support and for the feedback babe.
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-03, 09:01 PM   #10
.:LadySage:.
Flyweight
 
.:LadySage:.'s Avatar
 
Posts: 144
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
IP: 1A71 4B47

Quote:
So please, tell me if it is still true…
No matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you…


I find it real strange..... that everything i'm reading today on RB is hitting so close to home
girl i feel you on this piece, i know how it feels
i dont think you should try and revise it, sometimes simple and just written for the sake of getting emotion off your chest is the best
.............i'm lost for words right now
nice piece, keep writin hun
in the end it's always for the best...hopefully
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding
Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."
Send a message via AIM to .:LadySage:.   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-03, 10:20 PM   #11
A77iCuS
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 8471 8CE5

tite man
way to get your point across
im sure its something alot of people can relate to
  Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-03, 01:16 PM   #12
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: F718 7AAD

Thanks you two for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated. Thanks again. Much respect to both of u.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-04-04, 08:26 PM   #13
Spittin_Cobra666
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 95FF 1D86

Hey, nice work, i can never egt the feelins out without sounding corney or feeling exposed, good luck to you.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-04, 12:21 AM   #14
DthsMissingAngel
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: C1DA C961

Thanks for the feed, I've been gone from Rb for a while now, but i'm going to try and get back up here and hit up some other poems.
  Reply With Quote
Old 01-08-04, 05:27 PM   #15
MoparMaddness
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: DE47 3F4A

POST WITHDRAWN

MM

Last edited by MoparMaddness : 01-12-04 at 03:33 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:44 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.