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11-17-03, 05:19 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Are you still? (please read)
IP: 6236 079F
This is a piece that means a great deal to me. Its a little short, but I would very much appreciate feedback on it. Theres not much flow, but I had to get these feelings out.
I love you yet was it a mistake?… It seems like you push yourself farther away… What is happening?… Did any of your feelings change?… I love you with all my heart… Yet I wonder if I’m making a mistake… Did I?… Times get hard, I understand… But can you tell me if you still love me?… If you have interest in someone else… Would you tell me?… Maybe its just me, but all the signs are clear… They say you have love for someone else… Is this true?… I’m wondering because I’ve been so in love with you… Are you still in love with me?… I’m scared because I don’t want to lose you… So please, tell me if it is still true… No matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you… Last edited by DthsMissingAngel : 11-17-03 at 06:20 PM. |
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11-17-03, 05:35 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: 2970 7FD1
i liked this one i liked tho words you used and how u used them. one of the reasons why i like it so much is because i am going throught the same exact thing. i thought u did a great job the flow seamed a lil off but overall i think you did a great jobs
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11-17-03, 05:38 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: A70C 8BB7
I like it, it kinda hard to fully understand cause im sure theres no way to write the raw emotions you feel..
theres not much of a flow, but i think that might of been your point But i get what your trying to say.. good luck working things out.. |
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11-17-03, 06:04 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
Thanks for the feed. I wasnt really thinkin bout flow and whatnot, just needed to get my feelings out. He did read this and reassured me that he loved me just as much. Thanks again for the feedback. Keep it comin.
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11-17-03, 06:16 PM | #5 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
tha flow was a lil off but the piece was ill because of all the emotion you put in it. niice ass job
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-17-03, 06:26 PM | #6 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
you can tell this piece was written for emotion not for anything else, like you said, coz you can feel your pain, how lost you feel. and it is easy to feel, because so many ppl have felt the same way as you, and have asked themselves the same questions as you did in this piece.
this tends to be a topic written over and over again, but you made yours worth the read, althogh i still felt it could have been more unique in your own way. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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11-17-03, 07:18 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
Thanks for the feed, it is much appreciated. I was thinkin bout changin it a little to make it better, but im in writers block and cant think of what else to write. I'll ponder on it for a while. Thanks again for the feedback.
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11-17-03, 09:06 PM | #8 | ||||||
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IP: 8722 950A
This was a great read. The emotion was shown wit a bit of confusion on how he feels for you. The point is shown and you got your feelings out. Thats what counts the most. I hope everything works out for you in the long run. Spect JT
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11-17-03, 11:07 PM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: 399E F0FD
Thanks much babe. Its all startin to work out the way it did once before. I'm not lettin this one go. Thanks for all the support and for the feedback babe.
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11-18-03, 09:01 PM | #10 | ||||
Flyweight
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IP: 1A71 4B47
Quote:
I find it real strange..... that everything i'm reading today on RB is hitting so close to home girl i feel you on this piece, i know how it feels i dont think you should try and revise it, sometimes simple and just written for the sake of getting emotion off your chest is the best .............i'm lost for words right now nice piece, keep writin hun in the end it's always for the best...hopefully
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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11-18-03, 10:20 PM | #11 | ||||||
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IP: 8471 8CE5
tite man
way to get your point across im sure its something alot of people can relate to |
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11-20-03, 01:16 PM | #12 | ||||||
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IP: F718 7AAD
Thanks you two for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated. Thanks again. Much respect to both of u.
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01-04-04, 08:26 PM | #13 | ||||||
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IP: 95FF 1D86
Hey, nice work, i can never egt the feelins out without sounding corney or feeling exposed, good luck to you.
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01-08-04, 12:21 AM | #14 | ||||||
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IP: C1DA C961
Thanks for the feed, I've been gone from Rb for a while now, but i'm going to try and get back up here and hit up some other poems.
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01-08-04, 05:27 PM | #15 | ||||||
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IP: DE47 3F4A
POST WITHDRAWN
MM Last edited by MoparMaddness : 01-12-04 at 03:33 PM. |
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