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01-28-04, 12:54 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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Survivin the Streetz
IP: B195 1FA3
Its a constant battle wit kids gettin rattled cause they tattled,
Bitches get dismantled in shambles like butcha knifes ta cattle, Against odds gotta do the act of god and climb higher in the ladder, Sorry for being aggressive wit ya head, but I require it ta splatter, Higher again but not from the drugs in the mufucking game a life, Fuck wit me get yo ass served then Ill go home n train ya wife, Its unlikely youll fight me I tightly rap like subways mighty god, (wrap) You got beef means ya really got no teeth and ya slightly odd, I always end up fightin them cause they'll leave a bite-in-you, Thats the bitch way n Ill break mothafuckas like right in two, Its like they gotta sightless view when they look at the big-picture, But Ill fuckin mock them all when I finally look at their signature, A mixture of violence and catastrophe wit people constantly dying, Supposed thugs see slugs n want hugs and they honestly crying, Trying to get layed but theres only some slut thats probably thirty four, Whats tha life ya livin when the only pussy comes from a dirty whore? Damn. |
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01-28-04, 01:11 AM | #2 | |||
A King Missing a Queen...
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IP: 8D7B 43DF
You had a good flow, and your structure was good as well. I think it would be good to work on your vocabulary. Kind of extend it a little more, cause it seemed a little childish in the begining. You had an ok rhyme scheme, ive seen it befor. But thats not a big deal at all... Just try and be more creative, you know what I mean hommie. It was an okay drop, but it could use some work... Aight, I hope this can help you out a little bit...
( Please return the favor and peep " My Thoughts Pt.2 " in my sig and tell me what you think about it. It would be much appriciated, please return the favor )
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Sig created by "Tha Sick One..." CRHYME SINDICATE Open Mic Drops -Defying The Odds- Higher Thinking League Record 2-0 High Class vs Tweety ( semifinals match) |
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01-28-04, 11:55 AM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 2B19 1822
Uppin for some feedback...........................
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01-28-04, 11:59 AM | #4 | ||||
New to RB
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IP: D145 BA95
Pretty weak to me. I mean the style is there but your subject content could use some major work. Overall though, aiiight.
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Rev 12:11 - Use your voice... |
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01-29-04, 05:17 AM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 4CEF 0D91
Your flow was good...seemed like you were just throwing a few of those words into the sentence so that it sounds nice...
The concept was something which has been done by all |
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01-29-04, 02:02 PM | #6 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
This was alright here man.....structure was pretty good in this.....you had some nice multies in your lines, i liked that, i like multies ....the flow in this was pretty nice as well, it flowed good, it stayed on.....the content was alright i thought....keep at it man.
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01-29-04, 02:10 PM | #7 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: 01F8 C64F
It flowed an it had structure but the vocab cud do wid sum work.
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01-29-04, 06:02 PM | #8 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Decent drop, you had a good rhyme scheme and structer, i think you need to elavate your vocab a little..try and grip the reader a little quicker as well you started off pretty weak...good detail but weak captioning...but keep at it...peace
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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