Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-08-04, 01:22 PM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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Nancy
IP: 80EF 45DD
She wore golden blond hair over her shoulder
Her eyes lit up like the midnight sun Her featurs dominant, but heart grew colder As she searched a place her soul could shun She kept her secrets locked away in ink A prison for her nightmares between pages A place no mortal man could think To seek her wishes, ambitions, and hatred All wrapped in silk, her innosents maimed Her mothers spouse inside her craddle No chance for her puritys reclaim Torn from childhood, drifted into fable Like a scent of legend, lifted the kitchen Like the things she witnessed took no place Her mother, stuborn, recalled no vision Of a daughters abuse, a mans wrongful taste What was she to do to intervene As the air grew thicker with malice and waste She took in hand matches and gasoline And set the house, the past, to blaze
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Sumthin 2 Die 4 []D[][]V[][]D P I M P |
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02-08-04, 09:03 PM | #2 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 1B0F FD65
man that was a different ending, i liked it, it ended the whole thing off very nicely. the structure of this was basic, the flow was alright, vocab was pretty good, the conten and detail were well written but room for lots more really, it told your story and put a picture in ppl's minds. emotions were there also. you kept it interesting by not dragging the topic out, but i felt it could have used a stronger opener.
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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02-09-04, 12:59 PM | #3 | |||
Flyweight
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IP: 0189 500F
nice ending, you truly did wrap this up nicely
the flow was straight, and so was the structure it was simple but the emotion was there as well i like the concept that you have here, i do think that the begining could've been stronger though it seemed sort of as if thought were just being thrown out there, and then towards the end they all fell together, somtimes that works but it kind of took away from this piece but i enjoyed it none the less nice drop
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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