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02-10-04, 07:21 PM | #1 | ||||
Nigga Ima OG.
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The Journal Of A Jew(During Holacaust PT 1)
IP: 3A79 B1A6
Day 1:
Came home from school, and a gift lay on the table there was a note: "dont open til' I come home" But I was not able, to withstand the time first personal item of mine, maybe this was a sign I've always wanted to be a journalist, or writer but first-I-must-open-this, and ponder'd with desire Finally he came, now I knew with thought's of fire i'd have thoughts.. but not the same ... and so I write... Day 2: Today was great, even tho school I hate was going to the cinema, but my friend couldn't wait So I was late.. and became hungry ...I was wondering, wat was for dinner... mother surprised me with my favorite plate. So I ate & ate, till I was satisfied pen & hand-by-side, I sit here and write til' there is no more light... ... and so I write... Day 3: Today was horrible, the girl I love hates me and to worsen-it-tho, father was fired Mother has no time.. she's sick and tired it's as if my jaw is wired, nobody can hear-me So I sit and jot down my thoughts.. Dear-me, I dont want to goto school tomorrow so I can sit and stare in sorrow.. I tire' of this desire to be near her.. a burden is lifted, whenever I see-her.. I couldnt tell her I love her, to big of a height ... and so I write...
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OG Status My people skills are way better then yours, nigga.. |
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02-10-04, 07:25 PM | #2 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 1E01 2802
unique style i'd say. you had your strong points in there. i had sum difficulty
in finding the rhymes. the flow was effect negatively by that. but it was still a great read. it brought in my attention. i actually read the whole thing which is sumthing. lol. dope piece. propz. the topic was commendable. keep at it. hit this up plz: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113109 pz
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<center>"There Will Always Be Someone Better Than You...<center></center>...As Long As I Exist"</center> |
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02-10-04, 07:45 PM | #3 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
If that's your style go with but in text the rhymes don't come thru very well. I'd have to hear the way you say it before I could say more but flow seems off based on just what I can see. I liked the conversational tone of it. All the thoughts were connected. Anyway if you have an explanation for the structure or a link to some audio drop it. Hit my "Broken Metamorphosis" if you get a chance.
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02-10-04, 11:11 PM | #4 | ||||
Nigga Ima OG.
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IP: 3A79 B1A6
ight up
__________________
OG Status My people skills are way better then yours, nigga.. |
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