Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-17-04, 10:57 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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In Peace I Believe!!!!
IP: 8EFB 19C7
since september 11 2001
evry1 had a gun and became American more muslims r diein, n havd died since d attak no 1 cares, let dem die, wont do jak even if muslims didnt exist, it wudve bin blamd on asains or blak dis has made me more determined to make a trak need to stop d crak n keep my hed up coz i cant think; its makin me cluk stop d killin stop d drivillin god help us bless us cant wait 4 d resurrection of jesus so we can wipeout pple who r hartles n den do summin, no 1 can guess!!!!!! Chorus in peace i blive in peace id luv 2 liv start prayin neva stop blivin coz im redy 4 a batle 2 win bak peace |
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02-17-04, 03:14 PM | #2 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 9058 C066
This needs some work.....structure needs to be fixed up....try making your short lines longer and try keeping all of your lines around the same length so its structured good and so it helps suppor the flow of your piece.....try working on making it more complex....and up your vocab.....but keep at it.
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