i wrote this in class today holla bak

I run it in rap, and have to show-no-fears//
but cant hide the fact my pillow is soaked-with-TEARS//
hold my head above, trying not to sink-in-da-mud//
spit my heart and replace ink-with-BLOOD//
spit half of my life, and expose-da-rest//
all to get dem dollars soaked-in-SWEAT//
the BLOOD, the SWEAT, the TEARS, i put in the pot*//
all to bluff or fold on a hand i thought was hot//
but if u play ur cards rite, u can pull a full house//
throughout, a long life where quittin is ruled out//
FIGHT FIRE wit WATER nigga and play da game smart//
build up pounds of courage, and TONS of heart//
prepare for the worse and hope for the best//
and follow the pounding inside of ya chest//
FEAR NO MAN, equality is the worlds downfall//
but i'm of higher man and i wear the crown yall////////

pot* the pot is where the money from bets goes in during a poker game

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Yo Lemme Get Some Feedback Yall Come On

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man that ish was hot, yo!!! keep rapin!!!! HOLLA BACK
AIM: PhatFarmers17
YAHOO: Niggaryder425

Nice piece man i liked the flow of it. Rhymes were basic though

my favorite lines were

FIGHT FIRE wit WATER nigga and play da game smart//
build up pounds of courage, and TONS of heart//
n
hold my head above, trying not to sink-in-da-mud//
spit my heart and replace ink-with-BLOOD//

In my opinion you need to up ya vocab and use more wordplay etc. because a piece like this needs some

peace
-TiK-

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that shit that you just spit my nigga was fire be on the look out for more posts......1

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hey yo im known to play it low//
dont confuse me with these cornballs on the radio//


ima true hustlah you couldnt fit in my shoes//
my pager buzz to much man my hips are bruised//

faMBa$e Bitch ass niggas Bean Town thats how im doing it....enjoy life make money.....death b4 dishonor
trust no body that aint your fam and fuck that you cant even trust them some times i cant even trust myself lil niggas.....1

Nice flow....one rhyme scheme though so it was quite basic. You have skills but challenge yourself a bit more.

Reply to mine now
http://community.rapbattles.com/showthread.php?t=120515

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aight i was really feelin this shit...it was on point especially these begiinnin bars....
I run it in rap, and have to show-no-fears//
but cant hide the fact my pillow is soaked-with-TEARS//
hold my head above, trying not to sink-in-da-mud//
spit my heart and replace ink-with-BLOOD//
spit half of my life, and expose-da-rest//
all to get dem dollars soaked-in-SWEAT//
the rest was hot too man keep doin you playa shits real ill ~UnO~

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So.L0.IsT.

My ViKtImZ
Don.D (5-0) GhOst354(1-5)
ViKtiM Of
L.I. - CounTreeJay
My ReCoRd
TeXt - 2 - 2

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yo i need more feedbak

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Ill shit cat keep it up. Up the vocab, keep droppin~

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Blow It - Topical

yo more feedback...

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dats some good shit my nigga , we should battle sometime.

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TECHRHYMES

yo i need more feedback drop ur link and i'll leave u some to juss hit me bak.

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yo i need some more feedback yall come o, drop some links or open mic titles and i'll hit u up also.

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this is good dawg...i could actually feel it..keep it up dawg