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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-02-05, 10:28 PM
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#1
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Yea.. Im Still Dope ! !
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A Life Wasted.. True Story!
IP: 0825 899A
Feedback: http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?p=1997460
A little long but a good piece keyed up once again ~~ Derek was six when i first met him, I was boys with his brother
We were best friends, And neighbors as we both grew together Throughout the years, through some peers we soon diverged our paths Call it a crowd, or just age that made our friendship collapse While i was doing petty crimes, to embellish the times Derek was in his grimy prime, Frontin hard just for shine Hangin with older dudes, fooled by the luster of jewels Props and confused visions of school were dissmissed with abuse I stood amused, because this kid is a true softie at heart His mind was screwed, "do you wanna be a corpse on the block"? Remorse and shock, forced his plots, love lost for others Too bad his pops had enough and sent his ass to the forces Cadet training, disciplined to complete some mild courses Meanwhile, the fam went thru some births, trials and divorces When he returned he adjourned with a new lease on life Or so it seemed, that his scheme's were no longer so trife But he was weened, on the dreams, he blundered with might So he found means as a fiend who would plunder with spite But then one night, gun on his side, drinkin hen on the rocks Meanwhile the spot, a dank bar with some chickens thats hot Biggie was playing, another chance a kid stepped in the spot Derek had beef, dating back like 3 years on the block "Yo, one more shot", Dude took a seat right at the bar Whispering sparked, "This bitch derek looks like a retard" Vision was off, stumbling, mumbling, words pissin dude off Showin his piece like "Bitch you bout to take a big loss" No real intent on using the 45, just wanted to vent Staggered back, took a drink, another shot filled with hen Bartender vexed, fight ensues, Bouncer says "It's out for you" But Derek's pissed and drunk, while shoutin fragmented views Derek turns red, boys is ampin, stead of usin some sense Innebriated, withdraws the gun once concealed by his leg Nothing was said, Derek pulled the trigger grinnin and shit Then caught a glimpse of the kids brains on the cement Blood leadkin fast, as his boys left the scene in a flash 5-0 circled the corner while Dereks’s Hen shot snuck up he tried to run, across the street, got cut off by a truck A cop chased him, So Derek stopped and pulled the gun The kids wasted but face it, the cop shot and he's done Derek wasted away his life, over some beef from the past Not knowing, thirty minutes later, that breath was his last R.I.P Derek Williams 1980 - 2004 Feedback Please.. i know its kinda long and some shit dont make sense unless u was there but let me know anyways....
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03-02-05, 10:35 PM
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#2
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Ike
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IP: EB8D 9EAC
damn...dope man....this was sick as hell....imagery was good...vocab good...this was just a dope ass topical...theres not a whole lot more that i can say about it....i enjoyed reading this....hit up the link in my sig...Crazy Rap and leave feedback
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03-02-05, 10:58 PM
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#3
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Yeah,This Account = Alias
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IP: 3240 794D
yo dis was sick hommie...come join da The Establishment.....
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03-02-05, 10:58 PM
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#4
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
^ yeah, i was feeling....although some areas coulda been better....flow was rough in some areas because i felt you forced the vocab and the multies a little too much....but its good for a quick one, im sure it coulda been fine tuned if you took your time, good topic...i was feeling the emotion, your a good writer man.....keep up yo.....7/10
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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03-02-05, 11:34 PM
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#5
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Yea.. Im Still Dope ! !
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IP: 0825 899A
thx for the feedback and yea i kinda rushed it but ill start taking my time from now on so everyone can see my Godliness
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03-02-05, 11:36 PM
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#6
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Ike
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IP: EB8D 9EAC
you = newest member of the establishment.....Red Bull should be pming you with the password..
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03-02-05, 11:37 PM
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#7
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Tha Truth
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IP: 0825 899A
fuckin syck mayne.......nice shit all around.....keep it up.....Pz check out my OM called "Falling Apart"
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Kamikazee
[B][CENTER]Tha Truth |
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03-03-05, 11:35 AM
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#8
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Yea.. Im Still Dope ! !
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IP: 28AD 5545
uppin for more feedback
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