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02-18-05, 02:39 AM | #1 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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Memory
IP: 044D 3F70
Smells of old paint
spilled alchol and stale cigareetes I can see the stained carpet tattered and ripping in many places Like the old sheets that cover the windows in darkness The phone book under a table leg and another under the couches corner The recliner that doesnt open anymore and the old lamp that doesnt shut off till you unplug it The hunger of no food and even more i can remember what hunger is To search the refridgorator and find only cold air and a open box of baking soda To search the cabinets and find only a few cans left over which you are too young to cook maybe even too young to reach the stove I can see the other children on christmas showing off thier wonderfull toys Thier sleds and video games and other things from thier giftlists Thier action figures and all thier goodies in thier stockings I remember how sad i was I wrote Santa such a nice letter and this year i even sent him a map i drew all myself maybe i shouldve drew better? Because for some strange reason no matter how good i was Santa always forgot about me every year I remember mom cooking but i dont remmeber food never being near Mom was cooking something bad something that destroyed her the thing that destroyed us I remember the cold how the blankets were never warm enough How i woke many nights cryed and no comfort came no one checked to see if i was ok they wouldnt care if i died Only sleep came to help me overcome all the hardships i faced i see the death all around me my life as a savage and i realize most my memorys are nightmares that actually happened
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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02-22-05, 11:40 AM | #2 | |||
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IP: D38E 499D
Good.
But weak for a freeverse. You could express so much more imagery and emotion in this man... But word...good job. |
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02-22-05, 01:40 PM | #3 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 026D 173E
ayo dats pretty good man ayo chekk out mine its more a song but it ended up in here but its deep shit man my boi just died on tha 11th of feb R.I.P ALEX) post sum feedbakk fer me please i need to get this shit off my chest im hurtin big time thanx yall
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R.I.P ALEX JOHNSON 1987-2005MAY ANGELS GUIDE U TOO THA GATEz[URL=http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=178375] |
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02-22-05, 01:51 PM | #4 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: C527 047B
It's good, something alot of people can relate to but you made it so played out. I am so not impressed by this, you could have used stronger imagery, more potent words, you really watered this concept down. I do see some talent though, keep working and maybe you can get truly poetic.
Oh, and you need to work on puncuation.
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Po'Ethics.
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02-22-05, 05:55 PM | #5 | ||||
Back....
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IP: 36EF FE17
Nice and everything was good and I know it would be much better if it rhymed and all but overall it was still a good drop. RTF
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Back..... |
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02-23-05, 02:10 PM | #6 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 11AF 50EC
^^exactly wat they all said, dis woulda been a dope piece if u woulda put more emotion into it, 'specially more vocab(rhymin better)mainly.....but yea overrall it was iight...keep it up....1
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03-02-05, 02:54 AM | #7 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: F798 D455
emotion is text that sounds riducules anyways it is dope read it better if you not from the hood i or never been poor i wouldnt expect you to understand such a poem
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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03-02-05, 02:59 AM | #8 | |||||
The Ups and Downs of Life
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IP: 13A4 AD49
u know me and u got our differences... but whoever said this wasn't a good poem... is a fuckin moron and should be shot for being a fuckin moron... i honestly loved this shit man. every word...1
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03-02-05, 08:59 AM | #9 | |||||
Black Poet
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IP: 2041 AFC0
This was dope emp nice shit man WHY does poems need to rhyme ?
you need to get in the mind of the writer and try and relate... Stay up fam 1~ |
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03-06-05, 01:02 AM | #10 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: C846 7BAD
Thanks Seven And Critic Some People Dont Know What Poetry Is So They Fail To Understand It When They Actually Hear It But You Cant Scold The Blind For Not Seeing Its Not Thier Fault..........................
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Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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03-06-05, 01:11 AM | #11 | ||||
I walk & walk over you
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IP: 8845 5B74
Hi cali......your arch enemy is here...................
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.:* Crhyme Sindicate* :.
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03-07-05, 04:53 AM | #12 | ||||||
New to RV
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IP: 0825 899A
yea man i gotta agree wit everyone else its deep man but sometimes it draws more attention when it rhymes
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03-07-05, 05:12 AM | #13 | ||||||
Gods Of War! -yeah im one
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IP: CD98 49E3
Quote:
^^LOL, thats a good way of putting it bro. Nice work, i aint gonna pretend to know shit bour poetry but i know wat i like. It was deep, with a good use on the topic
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03-17-05, 12:04 AM | #14 | |||||||
STROBE's Favorite Rapper
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IP: 0825 899A
uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp ppppppppppppppppppppp
__________________
Overall Rapverse Record Including Leagues 94-29
R.I.P RAPVERSE
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03-17-05, 12:51 AM | #15 | ||||
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 0825 899A
man that shit was wack booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
and u call yourself the best poet on RV......nigga u wack....that was average if that
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