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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
04-23-05, 07:11 AM
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#1
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Odi et Amo
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Flanders Fields
IP: 09C1 6A40
Quietly laying in a static pose on the cold, grimy soil Trenches became second home to all of us Young men in combat, weapons striving for peace Hungry, crawling rats as our sole companions Deaf due to never-ending silence of grenades Patiently waiting for that one inevitable sign To which we instantly put our lives on the line No reason, no emotion, feelings blocked Never looking back, always forward Red stains like flowers on a green field Unable to wash away, invisible to our eyes Only when the night comes, I can live again Rain like tear drops falling out of sky Soaked, hurt yet I never felt so alive Mud slipping through my fingers Blood of my brothers on my hands Reminding me the cause of my presence To prevent more red flowers from falling In Flanders Fields Captured by the fog that never rises Leading to no man's land
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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04-23-05, 08:34 AM
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#2
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Get Cooked Hoe
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IP: BDDB 83F3
Aiiiight.
I liked your imaginary shit was good. Emotion, was there too, but maybe you can upp that part a little. Upp your vocab. Nice flow. Keep doing it girl. Pz
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04-23-05, 08:41 AM
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#3
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 09C1 6A40
^Thanks for feed cutie!
DQ
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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04-24-05, 11:20 AM
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#4
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Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP: D3EA 04BF
haha im glad i no-showed for our petry battle girl............nice form, stanzas work well, vocab cud b upped a bit simplistic in places...imagery is tight, emotion comes through well...keep em comin
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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04-24-05, 11:30 AM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 25E7 C02E
Hehe, I'm waiting for that rematch though
Thanks for feed man, you know it's much appreciated! DQ
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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04-24-05, 08:12 PM
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#6
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...fuck life.
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IP: 0825 899A
loved the imagery, i felt the descriptions clearly, overall a nice piece, vocab cood be up'd a bit though...liked the message too...rtf, any of mine...keep it up gurl
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04-24-05, 09:18 PM
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#7
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
this was pretty tight....like one finger tight....nah, j/m, but i did enjoy reading it, because you used your vocab to your advantage, it wasn't too high of a level, but it was effective, reallly made your lines stand out....imagery was top notch, i had a good picture, and emotion......i liked the last two lines the most for emotion, just because they leave you with that final thought, like, a gaping hole in your heart, ya know? loved it DQ, keep up for sure
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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04-25-05, 12:04 PM
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#8
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Odi et Amo
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IP: 47A6 5A95
Thanks for feed everyone, I'll hit those links up for sure, just gimme some time cause I can be quite slow hehe
Thanks again DQ
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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