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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-20-05, 10:20 PM
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#1
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From Slums To Truimphs Ft Chameleon
IP: 0AE0 3B1A
"From Slums To Truimphs" Chameleon black man from the block, with bright plans to the top A tight jam and some knots, so I write til my hands stop Engaged brawlings behind my stairs walls and hallways Lived in a house of strife, thats down right appauling I was falling in a black hole, pertaining a dark soul Coming from a world so cold til my heart froze Too long had it last I was pulling my hair, An outkast full of despair Heldback the ridiculing pain til it was time to share So thats when i decided like'in linguistics and rhyming Took my time in writing and finding new ways of defining My life and describing my exciting struggles of climbing Inviting the insight of my enlightening mind where its been deriving Dividing good from the bad surviving a hood so sad Fighting with hooks and jabs stories from the rhymebook of Cham As a youngin I was stuck in my own problems Always into something, nothing i could do would solve'em Picked on by kids twice my size with better lives With great mommy's n daddy's which i didn't have at the time I ain't gonna lie i cried and whined and had my fits Scared to go to school of what kids said or did Growing up i was raised by others more than my own mother She had to work and i was hurt i didn't see much of her But getting in trouble at school cause of some rumbles n duels Taught me to defend myself and show no fear to these fools A stressin teen learned to use my pen as my weapon Also relentless expression makin the lunchroom a battle session Suppressin depression help me overcome with gods blessing Atlast the tension was in the past as i surpassed with a message BoneCollector Growing up in my hood you either master the hustle...Or watch the hustle master you.. A soon as you make your first debut,they attack & ask you are you down for my crew.. Being The New Kid on the block you just wanna fit in...and have people to have your back.. They start bring'n you into drugs,Start'n off with weed..then you slowly move your way to crack.. All the stress you have in life...just seem to go away..and you cant stop you just love it.. You commit to it,cus it makes you feel cool,but sooner or later its take over your life bit by bit Till the day your family finds out..the'll try to help you and tell you son this isnt the way to go.. You ingore your parents...just let it come through one ear..and out the other..like yeah i know.. But you just dont wanna hear it ... you just wanna try things out....and find out for yourself... Because the only reason you do wat you do ...is to follow others..or to releive oneself... Till the day you get caught doing something you werent suppose to be doing,either by fam or a cop.. You open your eyes and relize..this isnt wat i wanna be doing..and you try your hardest to stop.. You dont wanna go outside..because you know your habbits are never gon leave you if u dont quit.. Because you finally realize that the only way your gonna make it in life..is if you stop doing it .. 15 Years Later You Finally made it ..and your happy because all that hard work of yours has finally paid off... ..............Stopping all your bad habbits and persuing your rap career..till the day you die off.. You've made it & your known to most of the people in your 'hood',and all around the neighborhood You go home and tell your parents that ... im sorry for wat ive done.. ive just been misunderstood... They'll always forgive you and just reply your welcome son ...you finally made it in life..I Love You You find yourself..your own baby boo..and relize life isnt always about hood respect,its about doing you.. Your first baby,makes you feel better then any drug could ever make you feel.cus you've finally reached the finally stage.. Living the Full life nothing minium wage could ever do...and just let time... love your seed..and grow older by age.. You take your finally flashback of the life you've once had..and just look back at all the mistakes..and decisions you've made.. Everything that you've gone through was done for a cause..From the best time you've had to when youve been afraid.. It was all done to make you a stronger person...watever doesnt kill you ina daily hustle..just makes me stronger within... And just tell your son..dont go through the things that ive been through... its not worth it ..just stop before you ever begin!.. http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200517 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=200791
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The Competition
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07-20-05, 10:26 PM
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#2
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Yes I'm ILL
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IP: B3A4 532F
i liked dis piece it was good
both of you had good wordplay could use better vocab but its ight, i feel were your coming from on dis about the stroy so tis all good keep dropping and keep elevating
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 www.soundclick.com/ILLnoises U ndestructable Emcees
trigga town inc
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07-20-05, 10:34 PM
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#4
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Ill Nigga Alert.
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IP: 0825 899A
Thanks for the feed.....Uppin for more......
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07-20-05, 10:37 PM
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#5
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 3240 794D
Wow This was very very Long lol
I didnt read it all I Scimmed and scanned HONESTLY I hate to read long stuff but the bit that i read was Coo Ill come back later and read the rest lol Its long But So Far its good Lets see How this ends lol |
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07-20-05, 10:39 PM
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#6
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C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
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IP: 957B 0092
this was a very good open mic..
1st verse.. very good verse.. like very good verse.. why i say that? lol reminds me of how i use to write when i did open mics and topicals consistantly.. dont believe me look at my topicals or seach for open mics made by me here lol.. but yeah very good.. really liked not just the great multi's.. but also having some good n creative lines.. much props.. okay 2nd verse. okay.. now your verse was very good... but only problem was your structure man.. it really makes it like less interesting to read when you make the lines that long.. its like way to long.. n is longer than it looks cuz u made the words smaller.. but other than that.. good verse.. vocab could be used.... n a l more creativitie.. but most of all work on structure n flow.. but u prob usually have good flow n shyt but in this one u didnt.. 8/10 rtf in sig..
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07-20-05, 11:34 PM
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#7
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The Paragraph President
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IP: 2372 BC06
Chameleon
hmm well you have a nice flow and a good stucture, nice vocabulary very good emotion a nice imageyr everything just really worked well with your part, really good half for ytou just keep doin ya thing alright 1 Bone hmm well the thing about yours is that your lines are so long it just makes the read so long man, shorten your lines up more a lot more man, and the stucture is good but just shorten them lines imagery is hella good man big ups to that, nice flow good vocabulary nice shit man good job. rtf in my new om confessions. if you got time 1
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07-21-05, 12:13 AM
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#8
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
chameleon and bonecollector this was dope chameleon had the more legit flow and smoothness to his piece,however bone collector and the more imagery,and overall you both added some real emotion to this piece.......overal this piece was nice man i give yall bout an 7.5/10
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Crhyme Sindicate
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07-21-05, 02:45 AM
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#9
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L.E
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IP: 03A1 A28A
Yeah this piece was pretty dope...everything was pretty good...flow was decent, structure could have been a little better...but nice vocab and good lookin on the topic...word, good piece...keep at it...
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07-21-05, 02:45 PM
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#10
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
thankz for the feedback ya'll upping for some more feedback
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The Competition
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07-22-05, 01:54 PM
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#11
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Ill Nigga Alert.
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IP: 28AD 5545
Uppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn..........
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07-24-05, 05:43 PM
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#12
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
^^....Bump to the top!
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The Competition
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07-26-05, 03:05 PM
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#13
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Ill Nigga Alert.
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IP: 28AD 5545
Upppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiinnnn for more feed.......
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08-01-05, 02:30 PM
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#14
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Ill Nigga Alert.
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IP: 3240 794D
Uppppppppppppppppppppiiiiiinnnnnnn.....
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08-01-05, 03:12 PM
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#15
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 3240 794D
this right here is what im talkin about pure sickness 10/10 for sure..great everything not one thing to complain about if u dont mind mme sayin this might need to be nominated yo....i like this keep doing ya thang both ya'll but in the mean time return the favor to my open mic....
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