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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-07-05, 01:00 PM
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#1
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Searchin Through Time
IP: 682E 2D32
My Link Searchin Through Time Intro: All Of This Is True And Happened To Me Hook: I been searchin through time to try to find the most emotional rapper ever alive and all ends points, point to one white boy not tupac, or biggie just some white boy so this right here is heavens story of tha white boy named devin rorie Verse 1 It was august 6, 1990... a legend was born that day my family has a good relationship nobodys torn away I thank god every second that im hear to day Cause i did somthin real stupid at a young age bored at home so i started playin with a lighter click-clack click-clck touch the carpet and its on fire Now i dont know what to do, start runnin in a circle All The smoke i cant breath my face is turnin purple Worst day of my life happened when i was 2 years old Doors locked, i turn around and hit my head on a pole In the hospital were the only thing not dead was my soul To this second i dont know how i survived that day And dont question why i thank god for passin luck my way just try to thank him every chance that i get Yall should to if not you wouldnt hear this spit Hook: I been searchin through time to try to find the most emotional rapper ever alive and all ends points, point to one white boy not tupac, or biggie just some white boy so this right here is heavens story of tha white boy named devin rorie Verse 2 Practice makes perfect but nobodys perfect, why try Just trust me practice its worth it let me tell you why You practice to get better not to be the best You practice to get smart enough to pass the test So you can have a succesful life and make money So you can by a house for your kids and honey And youll be able you get them there dreams But dont Spoil them or theyll be bad human beings youll live a comfortble life not worryin bout bills Hopin they dont cut off ya lights or take ya wheels Im tellin you this cause this is what i live through But somehow through all the bad times we get through So some how i know theres a destiny out there for me Im just not aware of what god wants me to be He hasnt opened the doors yet or sent me the message But when its time ill be right here waitin for his blessage Hook: I been searchin through time to try to find the most emotional rapper ever alive and all ends points, point to one white boy not tupac, or biggie just some white boy so this right here is heavens story of tha white boy named devin rorie
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Last edited by Devin : 08-07-05 at 03:37 PM. |
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08-07-05, 02:21 PM
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#2
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IP: 682E 2D32
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08-07-05, 03:33 PM
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#3
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
wow, make the font smaller please
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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08-07-05, 03:37 PM
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#4
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IP: 682E 2D32
There NOW CAN I GET SOME FEED
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08-07-05, 06:27 PM
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#5
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IP: 682E 2D32
Dang I Havent Gotten Any Feed On This
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08-07-05, 09:43 PM
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#6
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IP: 3881 400B
You should really do this in audio, because I cant get the flow down. : /
The whole "I'm a whiteboy" message is kind of played out and such.. Storyline is ok in my opinion..keep writing. Touch up somethings here and there and your set.
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i'm bored. |
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08-08-05, 08:14 PM
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#7
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Uppin and do i have to provide a link if so tell me and i will
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08-08-05, 08:28 PM
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#8
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New to RV
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IP: F239 69C0
it flow perfectly man it just would sound really tyte audio do it audo and you'll get mad feed
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08-08-05, 09:02 PM
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#9
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Ya Im Tryin To Find A Good Beat To Go With It SO Yall Beat Makers Hit Me Up
And Thanks For The Feed
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08-08-05, 09:15 PM
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#10
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: E857 3DA5
Ight...this was a good peice overall
Flow-Flow,for the most part,stayed constant throughout the song.Only problem was the basic rhyme shceme.Read the tutorials to find out about multis and rhyme shceme.Cause,in honesty,your style of rhyming is generic.One syllable rhyming doesn't cut it anymore. Content-This was where your song shined.I was actually cruising through it when I read it.Didn't really get bored and such.You got the ideas and concepts on what to say.But..... vocabulary could be stepped up a bit.And you need some more complexity.So bassically,all in all,you have what it is you want to say...but you need to find a better way to put it together.Try some metaphors and upp your vocab. As for the hook I been searchin through time to try to find the most emotional rapper ever alive and all ends points, point to one white boy not tupac, or biggie just some white boy ^^when i first read these lines....i thought you were makin a eminem dickridin song...until I saw the other 2 lines...which said it was about you....LOL http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203668 ^^If you don't mind voting...as I took time to read your work |
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08-08-05, 09:29 PM
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#11
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
ya i Cant Vote on that Yet But I Will As Soon As I Can And Thanks For The Feed
Btw I Do Know How To Rhyme Real Complez With Multis And Wordplay But I Chose Not To In This Piece This Is Ment For Audio I Just Cant Find A Good For For It
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08-08-05, 09:42 PM
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#12
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: E857 3DA5
Quote:
ooh...that's good...cause in the battle link I gave you..I rhymed mad complex...so i guess you'll understand it...that's good  and just post 3 times to get to 20 quickly and vote  |
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08-08-05, 11:45 PM
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#13
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 28AD 5545
^^i hope its fair voting........lo j/p man...this was iight guttta get this in audio yo.....up on ya rhyme scheme dont make it so basic up on ur vocab......though u had a good story told in this o/m good concetp 6.5/10 keep it up and rtf in my links...which ever u prefer
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08-09-05, 07:54 AM
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#14
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
thanks for the feed taz and ima rtf tonight prolly
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