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View Poll Results: Paranoid vs. Intermental
Paranoid 5 100.00%
Intermental 0 0%
Voters: 5. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 08-17-05, 09:33 PM   #1
~Tony Green~
~Real Rookie Of The Year~
 
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From: Trigga Town
Paranoid vs Intermental

IP: 28AD 5545

Battle Rules:

10 - 30 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting
No d/r
No hate
Topic:Its Dark Down Here

Crew Battle Trigga Town Inc. vs. F.Y.I


Minimum posts to vote: 100

Check in by: 08-20-05 at 09:33 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.
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Old 08-17-05, 09:44 PM   #2
System
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Posts: n/a
IP: F525 4284

Intermental has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-17-05 09:44 PM.
 
Old 08-17-05, 10:20 PM   #3
PrahJect
Champion
 
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From: BedStuy
IP: F525 4284

concealed beneath my sorrows, its dark down here,
my deepest emotions, my body fluctuant with fear,
illuminate my soul, for God knows I crave deep for it,
eliminate the dark, for God knows I resent deep for it,
my regurlarly unveiled darkness,..... now is revealed
hate, rage, despise, scorn.........shud be concealed,
murderous and criminal animosity from a distressed youth
unmasking the imposture of a liar, to display the truth
a raw realness to the diction, "Lord is this all a test"
a clothed falseness, being stripped to an early death
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Old 08-17-05, 10:43 PM   #4
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IP: D25C B392

Paranoid has ACCEPTED this battle on 08-17-05 10:43 PM.
 
Old 08-18-05, 10:36 PM   #5
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
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From: Sask, Canada
IP: D25C B392

It’s dark down here, such a place full of evil
So scary, I thought the devil was to pull people..
Down to the underworld, vampires and bats
Creepers from the streets with wires and rats
Bound to kill, down to hound anyone’s space
Full of blood, dreamt a pound of such disgrace
Lethal personality’s, so vicious I was stopped
Evil mentality’s surrounded by a malicious crop
Unable to fight it, flames engaged in death..
Which killed gods strength, was he caged in breath?
Pressured by a demon with a higher intelligence
No misconception, filled with such annoyance
Petrified by the dark, bleeding hearts diagnosed
Corrupted with fame, fought for parts of a morose
A ill humor, deafened by his planned scheme
I ask is this a dream? Only a crammed scream..
Could bring light, so I was to fight on god’s side
The weakest would prevail with a odd pride
Converted by the tormented, all missed attempts..
Diminished by the demented, a twisted contempt
Glorified the pain, so much misery in the dark
Unable to embark, but a memory would lark..
Anything possible, if proven then easily killed
The devils imagination was so greasily thrilled
And as that darkness died, god caught fresh air
A final destination, complete with the devils tear
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Old 08-19-05, 12:22 AM   #6
L.E
L.E
 
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From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
IP: DB16 D9CD

Voted For: Paranoid

A'ight this was decent...

Paranoid, nice imagery solid vocab...it was pretty good but everybdoy can elevate...nice size piece...it was pretty good, keep it up...

Intermental...this was a nice piece too, good imagery and what not...too bad it was short...you should make your topical verses longer...seriously...

No hate, good battle, but Paranoid takes it for a longer verse...

You both go and sign up for R.I.T.T right now. Publishing contract and cash as prizes.
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Old 08-19-05, 12:47 AM   #7
*Bad Newz*
got u all confused n shit
 
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From: city of the tower of sears cowards wit tears as the hear the hip hop messiah is here
This was feedback posted for Intermental

IP: 9C38 384C

.......................checking polls..........................
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Old 08-19-05, 01:13 AM   #8
noname
Coming to Kill you All
 
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IP: BCF9 43C7

Voted For: Paranoid

Intermental-Well..this was a short verse here...but I think it was still ite.Vocab was really good here.Wording was ite.Emotion was good.But imajery was destitude.U lacked that a lot.Don't focus so much of vocab next time.Imajery,wording,n emotion come first.N that 2nd bar...you rhymes the same words.Now I know your gonna say "ooh..but the words I rhymed doesn't count".Well..actually it does.This isn't poetry.It's still rap.And you can't rhyme the same words twice consecutively.Concept was meh.The usual.

Paranoid-Well...you had that same usual concept as intermental.The longer verse allowed you to describe more and imbed an image in our heads easier.Vocab was good.But the problem I saw was ur wording.Next time..you gotta make sure the words fit so that it seems to come right after another.Kinda like they were made for each other.But I;ll give you my vote due to better descriptions n the longer verse helped.But work on wording your verses better next time

NO HATE...HONEST OPINION

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RTF
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204734
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Old 08-19-05, 03:50 AM   #9
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
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From: Sask, Canada
IP: D25C B392

thanks for the votes.......................

uppin
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Old 08-19-05, 08:05 AM   #10
PrahJect
Champion
 
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From: BedStuy
IP: 2700 8DA8

yo good battle yo, its my first topical now I knw to make to longer
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Old 08-19-05, 08:50 AM   #11
Dizzee Rascal
Middle Weight
 
IP: C40A 7675

Voted For: Paranoid

Ok Intermental = This was a nice piece but fuck man how short u wanna make it? lol i know this was ur 1st topical so u didnt really grasp how long they should be and how important that factor was
Imagery = 2/5
Flow = 4/5
Emotion = 5/5
Creativity = 1/5
Ontopic = 4/5

Overall = 16/25
Abit of advice throw more creativity in and ur topicals would be sick

Vs

Paranoid = Yeah. this was def a dope read
Imagery = 4/5
Flow = 4/5
Emotion = 3/5
Creativity = 3/5
Ontopic = 4/5

Overall = 18/25

Nice drop the closer was really nice btw
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Old 08-19-05, 10:12 AM   #12
Dirty Nigga
E-Style, Bitch.
 
IP: C034 9442

Voted For: Paranoid

Paranoid got this....

Inter you my homie, but stick too audio an text, ya topic lacked creativity an imagery, wasnt feeling it dog, way too short also.

Para, nice drop, evidently deeper, the scheme of the topic was alot more creative an you expressed your emotions thru the lines pretty good too, overall I dont think anybody would disagree that you get the win Para, good drop homeboy...

No hate Inter, if you are too start writing topics, try using more emotion an better imagery, i kinda got bored reading your topic even tho it was so short, you gotta make the voters wanna keep reading, ya feel?

No hate (obviously)

But para, rtf here:
http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=204757

or....vote will be removed homie
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Old 08-19-05, 10:17 AM   #13
~Tony Green~
~Real Rookie Of The Year~
 
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From: Trigga Town
This was feedback posted for Intermental

IP: 2424 FF2F

should be a close battle...........................
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Old 08-19-05, 02:07 PM   #14
Black Queen
Classic
 
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This was feedback posted for Intermental

IP: 0825 899A

pollz............................................. .....
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Old 08-19-05, 02:21 PM   #15
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
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From: Sask, Canada
IP: D25C B392

uppin just need 1 more vote........................
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