Beauty is…
Something that our eyes
Love, Makes our heart race
With powerful lust, Lips
Quiver, but the air is not cold…
Toes curl, our fantasy rises
Until reaches the boiling point.
Our throats gets stuck, we’re
Speechless, Palm of our hands
Gets sweaty, the emotion rises,
We lose control of ourselves.
Rape? No. it’s the passionate
Of beauty.
Beauty does…
Is describe like a clown we get
Fooled. We open our heart to it
In addition, they throw masses of snakes
Inside us, we get shock from the
Pinch of its teeth, we hurt when
The venom sinks in, and then we collapse
On our knees feeling our hearts is
Dying, decaying. After the pain you
Say “what is love?” beauty… it deceive
Us from our eyes into our heart, we
Gamble our love and hopefully we
Get lucky, but mostly we lose, from
The vicious venom of beauty, that’s
Like tasting heart of chocolate
With knifes in them.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=213009
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=215388

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Overall? Nicely done. However A few things I felt held you back was word placement and punctuation. Without those two burdens I think your piece would have really been alot better.

Now, the topic play was pretty good. vocab wasnt overdone or misused by any means. The emotion aspect was easily located and portrayed nicely. Longer may have been better, however I know not having a keyboard hinders that a bit.

Nice, solid PS drop Lola, keep it up lovely.

__________________
Blow It - Topical

Thanx...........

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

I actually liked this piece. The wording and structuring had just a subtle and eloquent delivery. Which, in my eyes was the overall theme of the story... 'Tastefull/Classic Beauty'.

The emotion, it wasnt ever really overtly pressant to me. It was more just a calming tone placed upon something not so calming... Which I liked. Nothing was ever to over the top, but then again it never once had to be to fit with the theme you had. The only thing at times that I would have liked would be more creative and just stronger metaphors.

But ya, everything was pretty nice actually. Structure very modestly, effectively used the line breaks. Uuuuum ya, overall nice poem. And do you think you could return the favor and check out my poem 'The Answerless Questioning'? Im not getting all that much feedback on it so i'd really apreciate your response.

No doubt........

__________________
mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*