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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-06-06, 07:00 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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Visual thinkin intro(quick key)
IP: C283 F416
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=232239 ---feedback link
~~~first try at rap~~~ I saw the stars saw orion in it Took his belt n beat him wit it Magical touch fix Achilles heel Life a movie wonderin what real Battle like im readin Pressfield Rhymes gates of fire with steel Sun god bringing heat Mandulis Grim life if ya are what Anubis Story worthy of Homer explore it Hit out tha park get applause for it Fuck the Titans takin steroid juice Im lightning they stomach Zeus Thunder lightning hooks and jabs Hit in belly he aint have any abs My knowledge ya cant stomach Cant appendix pages hunddid Purple haze ya stocks plummet Try peakin n ill make ya summit Illness in rhymes makes fans cease Solid heat fire it makes pancreas Rap need renovation right situation High as expectations while ya waitin Music not a silent hill for elevation Lyricist philosophy gimme education |
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08-06-06, 07:09 PM
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#2
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Whys That?
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IP: 5285 DC82
first thing. You need a extra link, and remove that link from your sig or you will be banned for outlinking.
This marginaly ok. You have some ok concepts in it, but you didnt execute them the best. Each line is kinda singular, like they dont really relate to each other through out. Your bars are reaaly short, you have room to extend them if you feel the need. Vocab is ok, but you can peice words together a bit better, seems like you have just used the word for the fuck of using it. Thunder lightning hooks and jabs you can elebarate a bit more: sensational Thunder lightning htting solid like hooks and jabs makes the line a bit more interesting. Stay dropping and remember to remove the link from your sig and add a extra feedback link to your original post stay active peace |
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