hey yo, even if its wack can i get some feedback?

gimmie the mic, go get it for me//
startin fresh from the labratory//
on the skill ladder im high, try and floor me//
dogg you'll fail, jabroni's cant ignore me//
so surely someone will respond, amatuers come and gone//
but this Oz emcee is young and shone before he pressed an album//
look at the battle lines, go count em//
from your mind i remove the doubt element//
for critics and haters, just test this talent//
im new, fresh from the gutter, the street//
look at the steam, its the heat from my beat//
a pissed of expriement, results i spit vicous//
gnawin up your words, taste delicous//
make you feed yourself to the fishes//
dont understand? come for a quick ride//
at the end you'll wanna commit suicide//
make you wish you were ready to die//
dont think im all threats and lie//
believe that and your on your back//
6 feet deep after the church quior rap//
you wont know the #1 position//
i dont want it, preventing you is my mission//
my personal primary objective//
eistien said "its all relative"//
but i cant relate to being a loser native//
as a rapper, emcee, you is shameful//

This was aight ,, but u gotta elevate a lil mo

^^^^ word.

you have to elevate alot dunkeep postin drops but youll get it eventually good to see another australia gettin the feel for th ehip hop culture,shits good to see,wher eyou at in australia anyway dun?....i suggest you focus on vocab building and wordplay and imagery also...if you keeppracticing and writing and yeah,alot of practice,youll be aiight...

a pissed of expriement, results i spit vicous//
gnawin up your words, taste delicous

^^ i can already hear you say this,its real australian style lyrics,not wha tim into but still,each to his own i gues...just keep at it and youll elevate dun...

bismillah


peep my zions peice...its being slept on and i need comments,

this is good for a freestyle, its pretty basic but i could see your potential. try writing about topics it makes you a better writer.

check out mine " the knowledge" dont sleep or you will get slept on

oh and jsut to say this:if you want to seriously do this,and do it well,you need to stop listenin to that shi ton the radio stations an don television,not stop,but dont try to emulate it,expand your influences out to the underground th eindie hip hop the small labels,the best forms of hiphop are the ones noone knows about...you want originality and style then you need to develop it,listenin to shi tyou see on commercial radio and televiosn will not help you greatly,it could,but it will stunt what your true potential could become...if you need anythign dun,get at me...ill be glad to help....dont go sending me links to your battles though,if you battle that is...sometimes its annoying...i mean pm me if you need any help with osmethign nahmean...ill get right back to you....


bismillah

um it kinda bored me but it was aight more elevation

ya bored me...but the only way ure gonna get better is to keep spittin, ya dont turn great overnight....aight im out...

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