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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
05-24-03, 07:48 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Good comes from all
IP: 24A3 0EF0
Sittin at home wondering when my lifes going to drop
Is death a new beginning, or is it simple a full stop? I never could dot it with my own pen i dont have the guts Its all the anger and worry thats got me thinking these thoughts Reminders of lies and deciet, mistrust and defeat All on my part though, i dont know why i done it It happened so fast it seemed like an eternity I went with her best friend it was so bent I loved my girl but it wasnt enough for me It was 2 weeks in, i was the last person i wanted to be Got down on my knees 2 weeks after and confessed all Her eyes so empty, dry from tears, an infinate fall But 3 days later she forgave me it was the best moment of my life Good does come from all, took the knife out her back, my soon to be wife |
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05-24-03, 07:49 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
i wrote it while i was sayin it so have read it myself or anything, all comments good or bad welcome.....
~out~ |
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05-24-03, 09:09 PM
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#3
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Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
It was pretty good. The word usage could have been better. I just liked the content mostly and how it ended. Maybe you could put better vocab in it and give it some more imagery? That might help some.
"It was 2 weeks in, i was the last person i wanted to be Got down on my knees 2 weeks after and confessed all Her eyes so empty, dry from tears, an infinate fall But 3 days later she forgave me it was the best moment of my life Good does come from all, took the knife out her back, my soon to be wife" Those are the lines that I liked the most. You did good with imagery on these lines but the other lines were kind of plain. I liked this post though. Keep them coming  |
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