Gonna be an Audio jus want some feedback before i drop it -

Who Is It ?

Who is it,is it ma enemies,is it a guy thats a thug and can make u go weak at tha knees/
is it a asshole who only has debts,fees,no gees why would u do this don't do it please/
i need ta know,i'm feelin low,u was ma gurl i had feelins for u deeper than i do ma own bro/
this shit got me feelin needy,don't be greedy,only wanted u to be ma child's moma and to have babee/
what were sayin,that i was betrayin,i was layin in tha sac pretendin i didn't do nuthin,and i was jus playin/
that was jus somthin that ur gurls were spreadin and i was dreadin,and to think i wanted ur daddy to go pay for our weddin/
tha shit is jus shokin,aint no longer boot knockin,but there aint no other gurls that i wanna be clockin/
ur gone now i have no one to cuddle upto and kiss,no one to have a laugh with when i'm high or out on tha piss/

Chorus 1 - MIchael Jackson


And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/
coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/
don't you judge of my composure coz i'm lyin to myself/
and tha reason why she left me is she found someone else/


gurl i would have given u it all,now u don't even call,i feel lika ama fall but i'll stand tall/
i'm a strong male,but without u i'm lookin pale,goin through life at tha pace of a snail/
gettin high just to get by,i no longer wanna try,i have dreams and we're together but they false and i'm askin why/
why did u leave,now i findin it hard to breathe,i don't know who u with now but i swear i never deceived/
how can i make it better,it was u who taught me to be a go getter,u said u loved me and no one could make u wetter/
i also love u back as i'm explainin on this track,i no longer wanna be a pimp,playa or a mac/
alls i want is you,we callin each other boo,and it'll be like cinderella u tha missin princess and i got ur shoe/
but is it too late,have ur girlfriends signed ma fate,do u still love me or has it all turned to hate/


Chorus 2 - Michael jackson


And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/
coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/
don't you judge of my composure coz i'm bothered everyday/
and she didn't leave a letter she jus upped and ran away/

Who is It ?


now u've moved away,u probably don't wanna real relationship u jus wanna play around and get layed/
that typa shit aint no longer for me,i jus want u to see,that u,me will equal tha happiest tha two of us could ever be/
you gave me tha mental and physical love ma body desired,i never was tired i jus aspired to do right by you and give you everything u required/
i wanna be there for you through thick and thin,please tell me how can i win,your heart back coz it's all lies i never commited a sin/
these bars are jus an expression of tha pain i'm feelin,no love for me,no sexual healin,alls i can do is start dealin/
but i can't i'm stuck on our love,u was as beautiful as a white dove/
we had hard times and good,we always got by and provided each other with plentiful clothes,affection and food/
alls i wanna know now is who is it you with,coz this cheatin shit got me confused and angry and i'm pleadin tha fifth/


Who Is It ?

Chorus 3 - Michael jackson

is it a friend of mine,to me i'm bothered,who is it,somebody hurt ma soul,who is it

And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/
coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/
don't you judge of my composure coz i'm lyin to myself/
and tha reason why she left me is she found someone else/

And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/
coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/
don't you judge of my composure coz i'm bothered everyday/
and she didn't leave a letter she jus upped and ran away/

i'm askin Who is it,Who Is it gurl i need ta know,If not me who ?



THANKS FOR TAKIN THA TIME TO READ PEEPS

Uppin for feedback peeps.

Peace

Uppin this yo it's long but feedback will be appreciated peeps.

Peace

yo this is hot westy...you should really put it to audio and it will be even better 4sho

nice shit 8/10

Fairly Well Written Yes... Strayed Off Topic A Bit Yes...
But Overall Well Written Peice... Props

Thanks peeps Uppin

Peace

Uppin Peeps

i felt this indeed

Uppin Dawgs

Peace

Shiznit's THoughts:

VOCABULARY

>not at all much in it but how the way u used those simple words made the whole piece really interesting to read.

"alls i want is you,we callin each other boo,and it'll be like cinderella u tha missin princess and i got ur shoe"

^^^^^^>the whole cinderella was really romantic....used plain vocabs then support them with some symbols that made some lines really cool..props!


FLOW

> fits...it was smooth..u could almost like sing with it ya know...and yeah u stick with longer line by line..tight!


CONTENT

> what of course teh confusion...the doubt of self...the pain...the emotions....i really liked how the way u was trying to figure out who's really that ur girl with...like u feel like he's all better than you and ur soo damn curious of wanting to know...like a twisted brain of a pyromaniac waiting to lit a fire every second...but yeah that was nice

WORDPLAY

>multies reflected the whole artistic sorta kinda way trip of this piece...

"Who is it,is it ma enemies,is it a guy thats a thug and can make u go weak at tha knees
is it a asshole who only has debts,fees,no gees why would u do this don't do it please"

^^^The opening part was well executed toouch of multies...that was good

OVERALL

>definitely wanna hear this in audio..i could hear it now...heh

nice job!

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

^thank you for tha comments^
U were really feelin this drop i think as u explained it tha way it was meant to be seen.


Peace

it was nice i'll give u about 8.5/10

damn seem to be an 8.5 - 9 kinda dude,lookin for tha illustrious 9.5 - 10,Thanx for takin tha time to read though dawg.

Peace

Sorry, I Wasn't Feeling This The Least Bit .

Basic Rhyme Scheme, Stretched Lines, Poorly Structured Bars, No Flow.

No Lines Stuck Out To Me as Powerful, Or Of Any Good Composed.

This Was Just Basic, & If You Do This In Audio, You Will Have The Worst Flow In The Songs Forum .

I Give This A 4.

__________________
Authentik Intelligence,
` Nuff Said.