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That's Right...I'm White
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The Dream
IP: 575C 1A8B
woke up late at night eyes full of tears
dreamt bout somethin i thought was all cleared was it a memory or just a dream i'm confused my mind is in between just when i thought i was over you see what you did, look what i'm goin through in the dream, me and you were together holdin hands like everything was better i just wanna move on with my damn life forget about you, someday get a family and a wife but i do care bout you still but i dunno why even after what you did to me, made a man cry left me outta the blue, i had no clue i was lost, didn't know what to do depressed for a week or two scared, didnt know what my life would come to i don't love you no more, atleast i don't feel that way i just care like i cared for you during your troubling days but hopefully it was just a dream and it didn't mean a thing cause i don't want anything to do wit you.......not a damn thing uppin for replies peace Last edited by Krem : 08-04-03 at 05:20 PM. |
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Guest
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IP: 84B7 08E9
A to the point and raw piece that i can only see as right from the heart.
I can see you put a lot of your emotions into this piece. And though quite uncut and 'here and there'. It is appreciated for what it is. ...resp... |
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Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
You did good writing this. Like Varentao said, it was a raw piece. I liked reading it. The first line of it drew me in. You started it out with an..emotional line, I guess. I thought that was a good way to do it.
"i don't love you no more, atleast i don't feel that way i just care like i cared for you during your troubling days" I like that part of it right there. Keep posting more like this. |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: 650F 9901
thanks for the replies
keep uppin |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: 0A3D 883F
plase give me some more replies
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"Cuz bruk said so"
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IP: F005 00C3
I can relate to your peice, so it pulls emotion out of me. In a simple format you expressed your torment over a person, from friend to more, back to friend, then close by not wanting any more to do with the person. I can tell you ment that, but... you are still open to that person on some level. At least that's what I got out of it. I like it, keep up the work, you might want to add some complexity into this peice, I think the message is worth it. Overall I felt this..
Good drop...
__________________
FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!! |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: A0D2 5C87
thanks
keep uppin |
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Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: EFC3 6DDD
Quote:
i agree umm ur emotion was real and and real raw i liked that stay up, 1luv. |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: C846 F162
uppin
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Special Ghost To Blow
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IP: C1DA C961
This Was Definately Straight From The Heart
The One Thing That Made This Not Seem As Well As It Could Be Was..... left me outta the blue, i had no clue i was lost, didn't know what to do depressed for a week or two scared, didnt know what my life would come to ~Other Words Could Hav Been Used To Possibly~ ~Add More Imagery And Making It More Enticing To~ ~The Readers...You Might Agree..You Might Not~ ~Your Hearts Definately In This Though~ Some Of Your Words Were Just Used Over And Over Again Througout This Piece Which Made This Less "Reader Friendly" Your Emotions There Without A Doubt..Elevate Peace |
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Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
I think we can all associate with such feelings at one time in our lives, I know I can, and because of that, I feel you in this piece, I relate to the emotion.. Your execution may be different to mine, but the message is the same, a good piece.
__________________
Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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