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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-17-03, 11:00 AM
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#1
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Guest
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Blind...Feedback
IP: 3F03 EF03
All about i but not seeing the truth of his persona,
In a comer of wasted time tryna rhymes predator/ Pretender of what reality is and blurrin the picture, So sure that he is dope but their hopes that minature, Chances be like Jonney Vegas bein prime minister/ Occurin decisions not registerin in the mind like browser, Over-looking the situation cuz images of a big bawler/ Crawlin through his mind blind to see the light, Eclipsed visions of how to write but aren't right/ No fright cuz he's more cocky than a male porn star, Fatal decisions slump more than his cred for bars/ Never parred cuz he's a snot nose kid wantin fame, Needs another qaurter cuz this to him is a game/ Con-souled playin his life with the controller in his hand, Not known it's himself never add-a-lesson never a man/ Bland like a diabetics diet cuz he ain't in-greed-of it, Thinks he's got it all but all peeps to him are disobediant/ Immediately when questioned found guilty of snobby, Known nothing else in life to say he's better than everybody/ When really he's owned and can only free himself, No help can sort his dilemma of power but himself/ oNe...hOlla |
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08-17-03, 02:07 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 3F03 EF03
hOlla
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08-17-03, 09:21 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 261B 829D
crit me so i can elevate...oNe
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08-17-03, 09:57 PM
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#4
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Banned
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IP: CC07 EC19
tight verse, flowed nicely though although it drifted a tiny bit in places, gud punches, keep it up (from uk as well)
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08-17-03, 10:42 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
I DONT SEE WHY THIS GET SLEPT ON IT WAS A REAL SOLID PEACE I LIKED IT FROM THE GATE TILL THE OTHER SIDE LOL THIS ISH WAS NICE TWIN
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08-18-03, 10:53 AM
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#6
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Guest
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IP: 1494 5729
thanx...hOlla
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08-18-03, 12:57 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 46A6 3AFA
Hot shit Pot1~
Liekd this...good vocab and structure...flow was good..keep elvating boi Where you reppin TIC without a sig...get yo ass a sig boi!! haha return the feedback |
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08-18-03, 12:58 PM
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#8
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~Im Cool Like Whoa~
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IP: 1B2C BC6D
u came wit nice complexity and creativity alotta imagery as well
keep up the good work indeed get ur crew sig lol
__________________
.TCS. |
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08-18-03, 03:16 PM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: 659B AFC6
Thanx...hOlla
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08-18-03, 03:44 PM
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#10
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Got More Meds Than Pfizer
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IP: 3749 44FA
some of the lines had no bridge rhyme.. like they seemed to just be randomly placed...
"All about i but not seeing the truth of his persona, In a comer of wasted time tryna rhymes predator/" ^ if there was a bridge there I couldn't see it.. if it's persona an' comer it isn't enough of a bridge, doesn't sound right, you should've rhymed something with predator.. "Crawlin through his mind blind to see the light, Eclipsed visions of how to write but aren't right/ No fright cuz he's more cocky than a male porn star, Fatal decisions slump more than his cred for bars/" ^ I liked those bars... went a'ight, flow coud've been better, but it was good still... I find your main problem is rotation of a beat... (FLOW)... every beat has a general 1-2-3-4 rythm, there is usually 1 or 2 emphasysed beats within that 4... usually on 1 or 3... or both... listen to the snare kicks in a beat an' write to that.. on the more "umph" sounding kick is where you put the rhyme sound... if you have a faster style, then the beat varies.. there's inbetweens it goes up to 16 syllables.. for every snare or every inbetween you need to have the right sound an' # of syllables... sorry if that wasn't really clear, but it's the best I can explain it in text.. 1 you had some good ideas
__________________
Authentik Intelligence
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