RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-09-03, 09:55 AM   #1
Smooth JT
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Unhappy This feeling

IP: F718 7AAD

This feeling is greater than I thought it ever would be

Why do I get like this, why do I get this way

So sad and alone like never before

Love no true love has me feeling down

The fact life was perfect

Never on bad terms

Till the day I messed up

And hurt the one I love

By the worse means possible

One I never meant to do

I cheated on her

She said she has been hurt before

And she was fine

But I knew I screwed up

And it would never be right again

I knew the minute she found out

Her heart was ripped to shreads

The love that was there was now gone

I hurt her the worse way possible

And I wish I was dead

People say life is to short

And there are no regrets

This is one I will regret for life

Lost the love of my life

Cuz I couldn't just lay back

Couldn't say no, just went with it

Now i'm here sulking deeper and deeper

Just thinking how I messed up

And how I would never let it happen again

I feel so bad and i can't let it go

Still freinds after all this has happened

I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I let you down
  Reply With Quote
Old 09-09-03, 11:45 AM   #2
filed
Sharp Perfection.
 
filed's Avatar
 
Posts: 450
Joined: Dec 2002
From: HELL!!....and yet you think im jokin
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 4427 B15C

iight

nice piece, does need some work, flow i found was kinda off when i read it outloud. and vocab needs to be upped

but the whole meaning of the piece made it that much better
it is a used topic but yours seemed to me a tad different, shone a new light

one part i liked about it was even thou she said things were okay that she'd been hurt before, you actually did pick up that what she said wasnt all true, maybe she wanted it to be the truth, but it wasnt, things changed.

try to paint me more of a picture thou next time, dig in deeper, use more emotion, pain, whatever your feeling to make ME feel it too. to stur up some emotions in me, by just reading this piece

my love

~Tera~
DONT HATE
__________________
R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~
keep singing in heaven
Send a message via AIM to filed Send a message via MSN to filed Send a message via Yahoo to filed   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:52 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.