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Old 09-22-03, 07:32 PM   #1
Pro.Fess.In.All
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Not Going Home Tonight(sorry Girl)

IP: 8BEC CACE

It's simply said, on the phone, rushing my statements/
Its not that i don't love, or not that i want a replacement/
Wer'e havin our problems,shit is getting harder to deal/
sorta deck of cards,glued together,or getting free meals/
My life revolved around you,like earth to the giant sun/
I thought about you every moment,like a killer with his gun/
Thinkin about what to do next, how to surprise my loving girl/
I digged to the deepest,swam the depths,went everywhere/
looked into hearts and personalities,your unique to this world/
but our problems like ends of masturbation,its gotten out of hand/
I wish I never could think of you,with another man/
the reason I ain't coming, and I may not ever come back/
Is because I felt that you betrayed me, I felt this all,infact/
My feelings of you will never disappear, But betrayal is worst/
You broke my heart in two pieces,now its at the cemetary,out a grey hearse/
You fucked up, but I guess you weren't the one to blame/
I never gave you what you wanted, never listened to your claim/
I put this on me, my fault, my problem that i live with/
I won't be returning,but my love will come back to live/
Even though my heart is dead, when i found out that they were His kids/


Love you.
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and that...is cool.
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Old 09-22-03, 07:45 PM   #2
C-TownsFinest5
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DIfferent to me not used to dat.but its aight tho.flow was aight,but try to make yo lines be da same length.but overall aight.like.


CTF(represent)
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Old 09-23-03, 06:24 AM   #3
N.D.eva
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i thought it was a average attempt, your style is novice, you should try and use multis instead of only rhyming at the end of each line....................

Holla......................KEEP SPITTIN

check my open mics.................always good gettin feedback

OUT DAWG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-23-03, 09:22 AM   #4
Trah Siph
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average attempt, not bad, but not brilliant......................................... ............could get better,cos you have a quite good style
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Old 09-28-03, 09:31 PM   #5
Pro.Fess.In.All
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of course I do have a good style, fool. My writers Block is blocking me from thinking of things, like....ok lemme not say anything
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Old 09-28-03, 10:08 PM   #6
Munkydude87
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I liked it, although it def doesn't flow cleanly. With a little work and the right inspiration..... elevation is not out of reach.
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