aiight

your hook
well, its very creative
instead of the boy is saprking 3 times, why not only have it one
e,g
the boy is sparking
another different line
'either the boy is sparking or another different line'
and only thirteen years old

first verse
most of it didnt even ryhme, and your wordplay was pretty simple, you need to expand your vocab.

Second verse
well at leat it ryhmed, and till the wordplay was simple, but the way to start is by ryhming the simple words.

Structure
first verse- i wouldnt even call that a structure, i was a mess, all over the place, the sylables were alright in each line knida thing.

second verse- the strcture was good, you kept it constant, an the sylables were kinda even as well,

Overall
not a very good piece i'd say like 4/10
but if your only 13 its aint that bad.

Things to improve
1-structure, try to keep lines equal length. and try and put a bit more into your lines.

2-try and improve on your wordplay and vocabulary, "get it and constant[I]" dont ryhme. expand your vocabulary instead of using words like "[I]im nice and vicious like the yungone
say sum fin like-
im nice at times, unlike night, where im vicous at others,
im the youngone, scare children so much they hide in they covers
i know that was wack but jsut sum fin like tah.


3-pratice in the cyptha section, if you wanna battle go into 'diss the person above you' if not 'glorify yourself'

and plz take a visit to the wackness emegency centre and read the tutorials.


no hate

aiight

peace

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