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05-27-06, 12:00 AM | #1 | |
oh yea?
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Fire In Her Eyes
IP:
she became an addiction of mine the first time we met
every morning I’d lay a kiss upon her tiny neck right next to a shiny necklace; a symbol of our first date the day I found my soul mate which is greater than my birthday when I heard her say that I was more than a partner in crime thought we didn’t have a heart then I caught her harboring mine there was this fire in her eyes that warmed me up inside just like when I start fires but that never was this fine so if love is blind I rather not see ever again and she’s my guide-dog that will remain forever a friend until whatever’s the end for us.. we’re both arsonists that’ll burn a house and shit then go in the yard and kiss or so I thought.. cause its hard to quit, but one day the day came that she wanted us to change & no longer live the same way I said “hey, wait.. a guy once hired us both to burn a place that’s how we first met & now from that you want to turn away?” “yes”, she replied .. while at me she sighed, twitching her huge dreamy eyes I didn’t get her point and she just couldn’t bear to see me try so she told me after approaching me boldly that we only could stay together if I would allow her to change me wholly mainly no more burning stuff, which meant turning tough & learning rough that love can be the greatest thing or something you can’t yearn enough I didn’t speak a word, or reach the verge in which I’d beat the urge to remain the same.. if only I knew what’d suddenly emerge she decided to leave me, walked away with her head to the ground with mixed emotions, face went from anger then next to a frown “I’m sorry” she screams as if she was facing her lover clothes soaked with tons of tears.. her dark mood changing their color she rips her necklace off, it keeps reminding her of me feeling pain while doing so.. deep inside in her tummy her feet are tired and hurt almost as much as her heart does but stopping now for her would be as hard as to depart was she just barely opens the door when she reaches her doorstep then calls my name out loud without even touching the floor yet she sits on the floor, sweats.. A minute passes, she feels empty and bangs her head against the wall while remembering she left me she has a panic attack.. then somehow manages to fall asleep with her eyes open, left in a coma that’ll take up all the week a mixture of snow and ice froze the hat that my hair is in her words were cold, made the weather feel hot in comparison my hands shaking, knees numb.. while I just stand here with my jaw down never shocked before.. but I was finally left in awe now I cant believe she broke my heart, left me alone in the dark with no one to hold and every part of me falling apart “I cant take it anymore” I yell loud enough to wake the dead as I punch myself in the chest repeatedly and shake my head no more arsonists!!, I’ll agree to retiring our lives replace my fire addiction with the fire in her eyes I rush home to tell her as the wind makes my vision blurrier hoping that she can forgive me for not saying it earlier I open the door, she’s right on the floor near the entrance her head against the wall.. she’s shocked & cant speak a sentence I sit near her and look in her eyes for a few minutes something’s wrong and suddenly I just cant go through with it I wont tell her that I’ll change for her, not with her eyes like that she no longer has fire in them.. I question why I’m back if only her eyes looked the same way as when I seen them last thinking about the fire they once had.. I start leaning back just to pick up a flame thrower that’s lying on the table I grab it.. with just one goal in my mind while I’m unstable I aim it at her eyes to put the fire back inside them I shoot her with it then take a look.. I don’t recognize them or any other feature on her face, I had melted it so I acted in the only way I could have dealt with this I came here to choose real fire or the fire in her eyes and let the one I pick decide whether the other lives or dies my decision wasn’t clear but one was dead already if she’s still alive then the thoughts in my head are deadly with not one reason left for me not to be an arsonist I burnt her house with her in it & put all my heart in it now I’m thinking about the way that I would feel with her by but maybe I never loved her.. just the fire in her eyes
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AIM = David Lama says
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05-27-06, 12:12 AM | #2 | ||
-da prophit-
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IP:
ok kidd long as fuck! but good none the less... although i didnt really like this piece of urs. being that im not all for love and romance in rap. but with ur skills theres nuttin i cant like from u. u tell shit how it is. anyways good emotion and vocab. pretty nice flow. and structer was ok too. keep up the good work. and dont make another one like this....lol
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im so ill that cancer thinks im its father. |
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05-27-06, 12:35 AM | #3 | |
oh yea?
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IP:
thanks man.
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2751787 http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2751789 ^links I fed.
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AIM = David Lama says
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05-27-06, 01:14 AM | #4 | |
Above Originality
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IP:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=228817
^^RTF anyway's this drop was nice....magnificent emotion and very very good choice of delivery and vocabulary. multied up bars that added creativity and made a great asset of diversity!... nice drop please RTF on the link above
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Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future |
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05-27-06, 08:35 AM | #5 | ||
Reppin' Da East Coast
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IP:
Yeah, Was Good, Bit Long, But Was Quite Good Was Feeling It..... |
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06-08-06, 07:36 PM | #6 | |
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IP:
I read this piece on 3 different sites, and now I'm finally leaving feed. This was a very unique topic, very unpredictable. You've been gone for a while, or so it seems, so I'm glad to see you starting it all back again. You're one of the few that took a big ass break on topical, came back, and now are owning half of the sites topical area. I loved this piece, not just for the emotion you put into it, but the intellect you used for the concepts were absolutely beautiful. The wording was great, not many flow flaws, it was a great read. piece out.
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06-09-06, 01:37 PM | #7 | |
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IP:
Word this was a pretty dope peice...very creative... first time i read it , had to read it about 2 times to fully understand what the whole motive was but it was really good , it had very good emotions and very lovely feeling .. Structure was decent had a couple stretched lines here and there..but overall this was a pretty nice drop..keep it up.
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The Competition
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