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Old 02-10-05, 08:17 PM   #1
Cekret
43-7-33 KO's
 
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Me And You[Part-One]

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I Guess We'll Never Make It Me & You Being Together,
Coz We've Bin Through 4 Times And It Still Aint Better
My Mind Is Interwind With Your Scent And Your Smell
When Will I See You Is What I'm Saying Before The Bell
I Hear All This Whispering Going On, About Me And You
I'm Stuck In A Position To Not Know If It's False Or True
Girl, All I Wanted Was You,Now Your Gone What Will I Do
Thinking About You At Home, Before I Sleep An In School
I Tryed To Make It Work The Best I Could, So What's Hood?
The Advice Your Friends And Mine Gave, Never Did Me Good
Now I'm Sitting In My Room, On This Late Night AfterNoon
Hoping Some How, And Some Way You'll Be With Me Soon

Wrote This just Today, True Story, Go Ahead And Leave Feed
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Old 02-10-05, 09:14 PM   #2
Cekret
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Can't Nobody Leave Feed, This Is my FIrst Poem Thing
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Old 02-11-05, 12:15 PM   #3
Acuity
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Posts: 4,527
From: East London, (Hackney)
IP:

Structure: Flawless
Flow: Decent
Topic: played but ok...
Vocab: Decent
Emotion: On point
Imagery: lots of

i say dope for first attempt fam...jus b more adventurous in what you write about and how you express yourself...use more metaphors, similies etc...

overall -7.5/10

Peace
THE JURY

-AC
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Old 02-11-05, 12:43 PM   #4
intensify effect
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4,000 post????

and u would be???

i mean befor the name change????
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Old 02-11-05, 06:38 PM   #5
Cekret
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I'm Your Worst NightMare, Upping This
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Old 02-12-05, 03:03 AM   #6
Cekret
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Upping This Ish....
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Old 02-13-05, 05:43 AM   #7
Cekret
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Bumping This Ish...
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Old 02-15-05, 12:52 PM   #8
Bloomquist
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Decent...just too predictable writing for me..
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