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Old 12-07-07, 01:05 AM   #1
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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Posts: 1,374
From: your wifes last home
prepare for crash landing

IP:

dwelled feelings,so much pain is rained,
but im the 1 who drank + sniffed who the fuck am i 2 complain??
cant sleep,man im waiting for that chang over,
its gona b so bad,but for a whole night wiv the women i was a real casanova.
so many body parts affected wiv that potent mix of drink+drugs,
smoking aint that clever either,my tongue feels like a persian rug!
brain flickering back and forth,remembering the nights events,
man that bird was ai8t,shit wot a prick iv spent the fuckin rent.
cant focus, wots the nxt bad thought creeping in?
its times like this that u wish u cud buy another drug 2 wash away ur sins.
eyes closeing quickly,but brain speeding up,
man 2moro will b a test of strength,concience plz shut the fuck up!!!!
thinking so deep,losing my way,
cant take this depression,wonder if god cud or wud help if i prayed???
i doubt it,i dont deserve it,dont wont it or do i???
so confussed,
need that sleep fast,cant keep up wiv my body+brain,
1 min shivering,the next dripping hot,is it really worth it? this cant b humaine!
feel proper down,should i cry??
wot the fuck for??? its a cum down! i aint gonna die!!!
im dreaming but still awake,
bad dreams again,keep jumping up,i jus dont know how much more i can take!
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Old 12-07-07, 02:04 AM   #2
сварливый
 
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IP:

some dope thoughts in this. links by midnight .
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Old 12-07-07, 11:59 AM   #3
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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Posts: 1,374
From: your wifes last home
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http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244847
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=244572
nice 1 thanks, could and should of made it alot longer,but only wrote it coz i couldnt sleep for shit,but halfway through i felt able 2 sleep so finished quick lol.peace
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Old 12-08-07, 07:52 PM   #4
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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From: your wifes last home
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any comments plz??????????????
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Old 12-09-07, 11:42 AM   #5
J.VeNoMâ„¢
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From: Haute Monde
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um okay im a break this down to you in the normal way that i do anyone else...it was totally basic dude. i meen the storyline is played on suicide and all that but the imagery is not as deep as i thought it would be..try writing from a picture to start off your topicals it will help with the reader to vision what your writing even more..but decent work..just need a little improvement and that should do the trick.
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Old 12-09-07, 12:05 PM   #6
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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Posts: 1,374
From: your wifes last home
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cheers dude thanks 4 the feed + advice. peace
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Old 12-13-07, 04:04 PM   #7
Big_O
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From: ROCKLAND
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I like it dude, Solid flow but an abrupt ending
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Old 12-13-07, 05:00 PM   #8
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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From: your wifes last home
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cheers man anymore comments plz cheers
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Old 12-14-07, 08:20 PM   #9
animosity
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Nice wellll okay! Its decent i like it good flow and shit!
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Old 12-21-07, 08:36 PM   #10
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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Posts: 1,374
From: your wifes last home
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could i have sum'mo feed cheers........
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Old 12-21-07, 11:54 PM   #11
Fly-E
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ya this was decent it was not as good as the last peice i gave u feed for but it wasnt bad! Keep it up and keep writin bro!
I'll leave more feed for ur other peices of the weeekend! peace dawg!
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Old 12-31-07, 02:38 PM   #12
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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From: your wifes last home
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jus wanted to say this is more played on effects of coke rather then suicide prenom, 2 understand it fully you need to of taken coke b4, anywayz peace
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Old 01-01-08, 04:59 PM   #13
Oh D
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From: L.O.N.D.O.N
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I fucks with coke, n i sleep fine. anyways this was jus basic, try n use better vocab n shit.
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Old 01-01-08, 05:14 PM   #14
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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From: your wifes last home
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do more then a line then, either that or buy off sum1 who dont cut it so much-so it ends up jus being hay fever tablets crushed...........
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Old 01-01-08, 05:59 PM   #15
Oh D
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From: L.O.N.D.O.N
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Lol why would i do jus a line. if ur gonna be gettin ur sniff on u need at least a g. as i said jus try get deeper with ur words..
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