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11-24-03, 05:19 PM | #1 | |
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Focused Freewrite
IP:
I Thought I Found The Right One,
Who Could Hold The Bright Sun And Tell Me That The Fights Done. But I Was Way Off, She Wanted Me To Stay Soft. Im A Player In This Game, And Im Ready For The Play Offs. Im Losin Focus, All This Drama And Hocus Pocus. Now My Thoughts Clouded With Love, Its Bogus. I Never Walk More Than Two Feet Without Thinking About How To Beat These Defeating Feelings Appearing. You Want Me. You Dont Want Me. Make Up Your Fucking Mind. Im Not Sitting Around For Any More Time Unless You're Mine. So Much Anger It Turns To Heat. The Pressure Measures A Man, But Now Imma Burst. Put Someone In A Hearse, Im Done With You. No, I'll Never Be Done With You. My Love Will Never Come To An End. I Chilled With Them Other Bitches And Then I Couldnt Take The Words You Sent. I Came Crawling Close Cuz I Care. idk where this is going i juss hadda write suttin |
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11-24-03, 05:29 PM | #2 | |
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IP:
This was a good piece. Some parts rhymed, but others didnt. But its totally fine. It flowed really nicely. Structure was great, and u got ur emotion and feelings out. Seems a lil unfinished to me, and if u decide to finish it, Id like to see the endin. Overall, its great. Keep it up. Much respect.
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11-24-03, 06:27 PM | #3 | |
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IP:
It Was A Focused Freewrite, That Wasnt Some Gay Title . . .
The Whole Thing Rhymes, I Juss Have It Typed That Way To Stress The Things I Felt Needed To Be Stressed, Its Quite Simple, My English Teacher Taught Me That, It Helps Get The Emotions Out, That Why It Says I Juss Felt Like Writing Something On The Very Bottom . . . |
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11-24-03, 06:45 PM | #4 | |
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IP:
After rereadin it, i see it. Sorry im dumb. LoL. Much apologies. Thanks for the reinfo.
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11-24-03, 07:53 PM | #5 | |
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IP:
Dont Feel Dumb, Its Poetry, It Doesnt Even Have To Rhyme
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11-24-03, 08:01 PM | #6 | |
A King Missing a Queen...
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IP:
Yep, called a blind verse, or free verse. I liked this alot, and guess why? Cause I feel the same way about me and my girl. I wanna do some shit on the streets, but she keeps holding me back from it. I was born and razed in the fuckin hood. Looking up to the shit. Im accually ganna write a rap, you inspired an idea for me. Thanks ma brotha, good drop. I was feeling this, Keep elevatin homie.
OUT -High Class a.k.a Confusion
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11-24-03, 09:15 PM | #7 | |
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IP:
the emotion was there i like the way this whole piece went together. it was agreat drop. i like this line
Im Done With You. No, I'll Never Be Done With You. i feel i can realate to this feeling 100% over all great drop |
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11-25-03, 01:28 PM | #8 | |
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IP:
Thanx For The Replies . . .
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11-26-03, 11:40 PM | #9 | |
̣
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IP:
i liked this one
it really captured me thanks man (((((((()))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((())))))) ))))))))((((((((((((())))()( |
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11-30-03, 01:04 PM | #10 | |
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IP:
^^^ WTF Is That ? ?
LoL Thanx For The Replies |
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