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09-04-05, 11:47 AM | #1 | |
Skadoosh!
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X-tortion vs. Apostrophe
IP:
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em...
Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Helpless Fall * If you think that one of the pieces in this battle should go into the Pieces of Inspiration thread then please state which piece in your vote. * Last edited by King Solo : 09-04-05 at 01:13 PM. |
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09-04-05, 06:46 PM | #2 | ||
Blow Me
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IP:
checkshnizzle..
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My Lines Are ILL yo |
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09-05-05, 07:40 PM | #3 | |
Flyweight
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IP:
checkin in as well...
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09-05-05, 08:39 PM | #4 | ||
Blow Me
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IP:
This fuckers gonna make me drop a verse..
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My Lines Are ILL yo |
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09-05-05, 09:00 PM | #5 | ||
Blow Me
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IP:
As, I lay in my bed.. with stress and frustrationg boiling up..No Clue as to what i'll do yet.. My nerves are tense as tomorow is a huge day.. i wipe the sweat from my head.. A Job interview... that could change my life forever.. is that what i want.. Cash and girls.. With a beautiful home.. and a half dozen fast cars to flaunt.. My eyes get heavy.. too much on my mind.. i'll feel better in the AM im sure.. I say a little prayer... click off the TV.. and set my alarm clock at 4:00... A warm comfort comes over me.. as my eyes shut.. and i begin to Dream.. It feels soo good to be dreaming.. Just an easy way to let out all this steam.. But Suddenly things change.. This dream isnt soo comforting.. i being a downward spiral... or.. a Helpless Fall.. But this fall doesnt seem soo bad.. actually i dont feel soo helpless at all.. all my concerns are lifted.. fuck this job.. happiness is what i seek.. My futures before me.. sooo curious i cant help but to take a peak... This job was to be forgotten.. its not for me.. but for someone in need.. Soo with that said.. i have no more questions.. about this life i lead.. I wake up.. with a good feeling over my body.. Not cold at all.. I glance at my clock.. 6:00 i missed the interview..sigh... I guess i can thank this helpless fall... Fucka 10 Minute Key
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My Lines Are ILL yo |
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09-07-05, 10:10 PM | #6 | |
Flyweight
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IP:
On the basis that bills double..poppin up like dice..I feel troubled
I can't take it..cause no matter how hard I try..it's still struggle My spouse constantly naggin..sarcastic with?..honestly, braggin So more than likely..I might be at strippin bars cautiously active Burdens of guiltiness hurt me serious..as I read 3 chapters..It sits What I'm a do?..Only fifty dollars for two weeks..after the kids Startin to favor hustle as escape..embarking these good flavors Be the hood's savior..habitat holding tons..close to packs that's open Reality bites like winona swipes..as my blood overlaps emotions Dreamin in my bedroom..awakened by sharp, distinct noises Loud behavior foul by nature..seems like my enemy's voices Guess they can bank me..withdraw greed..induce locked deposits? Quieter than panthers at dark..I go to my shoebox in closet Tiptoe to the door..just in case this revolver's gotta enforce One!...Two!...see me chained by D.E.A..knocked on the floor Memorandum rights in my ear..I'm congested as fuck in this car From foggy smoke..cops blazing dutches..with the guts in cigar Deep in thought..I'm sorry to Pretty Lady..& plus the small kids I released & bought trees..for extra cash..so we all can live Time's not a factor between us..trust my stomach be so squemish Steve squeakin like houserats..announce how I'm seen weekends Buying various dope..angered cause I know the judge'll try to throw The book thru my wisdom..fucked up system..divides my hopes I didn't listen to you baby..Yeah, maybe these were selfish calls But learn from my experience..keep ya soul clensed..from helpless falls ......Cause I didn't...... |
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09-08-05, 05:18 AM | #7 | |
**the council**
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IP:
this was a pretty close battle.........xtortion your verse, although longer than apostrophes, lacked depth.....there was no imagery there but you did have nice vocab....however most lines could have been worded better
apostrophe your verse was nice, imagery was there, i enjoyed reading it, you could have upped your vocab a little......coz it was a little too simple, but i felt you pulled it off because of the imagery...... overall both verses were lacking depth, a little too simple.....however apostrophe gets my vote because his had imagery and a good storyline..... vote- Apostrophe
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09-09-05, 04:46 PM | #8 | |
Skadoosh!
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IP:
yea i was feelin both verses in places, but they both lacked something, mainly the depth like fyre pointed out. both had a nice flow to them and stayed consistent to the topic, although x-tortion is another person i have seen who uses the text style when he's doing his verse, the vocabs in both were minimal and you cud look to improve on that, overall i like apostrophe's better cuz he told a good story and he had the imagery going on for him..........
V/ - Apostrophe |
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09-09-05, 07:31 PM | #9 | ||
A Life Of Chryme
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IP:
Both verses was iight, i felt that both had good emotion....but what it seemed to me that x-tortion lacked depth and imagery....apotrophe added great imagery and good depth.....x-tortion had good vocab....as well aas apostrophe x-tortion had good structure good flow, but apostrophe just simply had the better drop.both creative just apostrophes stood out more
v/apostrophe
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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09-11-05, 08:28 AM | #10 | ||
Odi et Amo
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IP:
Apostrophe: I'm feeling the storyline you used in this piece, it was creative enough yet remained understandable. However I think you could've worked it out a bit more, get more into the dream and such. The imagery was there...might have been a little more indepth in some places, emotion was decent but should've been better in my opinion.
X-tortion : first topical I've seen from you and I must say it was quite good. You could change a few wordings you used but overall it was solid. Had strong emotion actually, told a good story, decent creativity, good vocab, flow was aight. Might use some more poetic, metaphoricial wordings here and there but there were already insightful parts included. Vote: X-tortion because I like his style in fact, it's a pleasant change and he went more indepth than Apostrophe
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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09-12-05, 12:37 AM | #11 | |
Skadoosh!
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IP:
Apostrophe Wins 3-1.
This Battle Is Now Closed. |
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