http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...100#post1026100
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102020
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...096#post1026096

{Intro Story}
I've cracked brains to leave my enemies thoughtless while I act insane
Ever since my wife was slained I converted to the mercilous Max payne
I've been dealt the hand of death, therefore I have nothing to lose
Its kinda like Im grasping my own grave, the way Im clutching my dome
I've played with death for years, so my soul is taking a gamble
I use to be claimed top detective, the way I was breaking all scandle
Now my contracts been released, and I'm a self proclaim free agent
I'm bout to prance upon my prey until their face bleed's fragrant

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

..Not bad..a little short..but..I guess that's why they call it yhe 'Intro...^^

Yeah, my written is coming tommorrow. Will be way better than this keystyle....

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

its aight, lil short, waiting to see the rest when its done.

feedback preciated,.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102059

Yeah this was alright i thought....structure was alright in this....flow was alright, it stayed on point through the piece...didnt fall off really, some spots but very little....you had some good multies in there...but overall this was alright...keep at it.

It was good. I would've liked to read more. But good piece

It was a overall original decent flow, Had decent flow...I wanna see it when its finished...one

__________________
Zero effects

Thanks guys for your comments.....

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

not bad.. i didn't know if this was about you or the
game tho.. lol specify on that shit. not bad for it being
short.. i liked it, not bad

hit it up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=102145

uppin for any last minute feedback

__________________
B.E.S.T

The Comeback


||Sonny Barz! - The Middle Weight 1-2 Punchline Champion||SickHead.||Fly-E||Antonio Banderas|


Mystic (Traitor)

short, quite good though, you need to work on the legth of your rhymes

again short....but vey nice..props indeed

keep it up

...Give You Props For Originality...
...Make Ya Lines Shorter...
...Plus, If You Gonna' Make This A "Written," Make This Rhyme...
"I've been dealt the hand of death, therefore I have nothing to lose
Its kinda like Im grasping my own grave, the way Im clutching my dome"

nice. nice. very true to the video game.

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stay in school