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01-05-04, 11:59 PM | #1 | |
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"For what its worth"
IP:
for what its worth, i never cared
about it, like it changed the way i doubt it, so its like my life is shit i faked it, so now i quit that its im done fuck it fuck everyone so you changed so you say everyday you act the same but i can believe you no i cant its what you made me think im the chosen the one you looked to for what its worth i'll never forget you |
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01-06-04, 08:18 PM | #2 | |
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IP:
it was a simple peice
i would say lengenth your lines, dont use such simple rymes, get more detail but not to bad for 6 drops |
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01-08-04, 09:32 PM | #3 | ||
..Soft Focus..
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IP:
Simplistic no doubt...but you could elavate..do what he said and work on some creative lines...like use some more depth detail and try and create a setting...but good read non the less for a start
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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01-08-04, 10:41 PM | #4 | |
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IP:
Nice piece. Emotion was felt. I agree with making the lines longer and not so simplistic. You put your feelings into it, but you may want to explain them a little more. Just a thought, not hatin. Overall good job. I liked it.
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