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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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02-04-04, 04:56 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Hunger
IP:
hungry, starving, 99 cents burger, can i make another quarter? just to fill my
belly with enough jelly and have the strength to talk to that girl name kelly, and i cant stand listening to nelly. nervous-pervous was a name i was called and now iam outspoken and read jrr tolkien. i want to express ,digest, and have my hair a mess after that bed sex. fill my mind with nothing but work, and not be that typical jerk. |
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02-05-04, 12:48 AM
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#2
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Flyweight
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Decent, Needs work
IP:
That was funny LMAO
anyway this is just my honest opinion It's decent... decent multies, decent flow... What needs work structure, vocab, wordplay, etc, and try to stay on the topic, By the end I was like wait....... Might wanna check out this to get a feel for more enlightened lines... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=55 I went easy on em JK Gotta elevate JamesJr.
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undefined Love for all real lyricists and poets ~~~~~~~~ Open Mics http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729 2nd Battle NEEDS 4 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858   
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02-05-04, 11:29 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP:
No effence but this didnt seem like poetry at all to me. Wacked man Take it someone else. Aint trying to jsut hate but i think u needa work on everything. Peace.
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