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Old 04-30-04, 12:07 PM   #1
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Untitled

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Yeah...
Dont ask...


Tonight I lay and ponder and soon my mind wanders
To wonder if I've ever experienced a set of lips softer
And not often would I dare.. or even think to share
Those things deep within that scare.... without a care
I hope you'll be there.. those nights until the fear has passed
And watch that pain fade away... to a smile within your grasp
.
.
.
Will it last?
Well... lets wait to see if it even starts again....
Is she more than a friend?
I'm not sure... but my heart bleeds an emphatic yes
And can you deal with these nights of stress?
Its worth a try, to find a time where its as good as it gets
.
.
.
My past precedes... I guess thats why I seem overrun with needs.
But believe... to see something blossom, I'm willing to plant the seeds
And fall to my knees and plead to not let my flaws blind you
Instead find you... and let my tears and scars bring the truth
That even with tainted eyes and mind... I can see loving you
.
.
.
Christy.. you know I hate it... but for you I wont stop it
I'll continue... daily... to ignore my minds logic

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Old 04-30-04, 03:55 PM   #2
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???
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Old 05-01-04, 08:55 AM   #3
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Anyone?
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Old 05-01-04, 10:52 AM   #4
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yo that was alright dogg
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Old 05-01-04, 11:19 AM   #5
Crossword
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Nice shit... A lot of emotion and i like the questioning part. Good drop.
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Old 05-01-04, 01:54 PM   #6
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This site needs help with feedback... everything is so lacking
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Old 05-01-04, 04:18 PM   #7
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i know it was a short feedback, but people dont give feedback on anything. The poetry thread is and has been asleep ever since i got here.
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Old 05-01-04, 04:55 PM   #8
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I like it, I like the time progression, especially the second stanza because I think you played the emotion really well there. The only thing I wish you had was maybe a stanza right before the last one, sort of leading into it, although the abruptness and shortness of the last two lines does add some allure to it. I also feel like the first stanza feels a bit out of place, although it might just be too early in the morning (yes.. morning) for me, and I'm missing something.

Nice though.
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Old 05-01-04, 09:32 PM   #9
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Its probably lacking alot... it was a little 5 minute key last night..

Was going to make it longer but I had to go take a piss
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Old 05-02-04, 10:59 AM   #10
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It's alright, the emotion was strong through the whole piece. Five minuts makes it even more impressive. well job well done chrit.
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Old 05-12-04, 10:57 AM   #11
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Up.
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Old 05-12-04, 03:55 PM   #12
accomplishment
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Easy but your gettin emotional on me... i was listenin to your karoke battles yestarday you do a great alladin... haha j.p. man you got some hot shit if i knew anything bout poetry but as far as i know that was good
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