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Old 07-25-04, 11:32 AM   #1
L.A.STR~E~TZ
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From: dreams
A Love Story

IP:

A Love Story
A real life story retold in rhyme by Brian Amaya

True love dripped from the eyes of rosie and ryan
He proposed....she stayed chocked up and cryin'
She replied yes to the adoring man that she loved
This had been the day that they both dreamed of
They left the school teary eyed and gleaming pride
Sixteen years old, rosie became a beaming bride
Ryan was to be the most loving and caring husband
A more beautiful of a couple than even love dreamt
Their story could've been right out of the fairy tales
But that's part that of the story anyone barely tells

Two weeks later, september twentieth to be exact
Ryan told rosie to stay in the car and he'd be back
He calmly went to the store to get a pack of smokes
Rosie stayed with the windows and the locks closed
Ryan went to snatch up his favorite type of candy bar
Rosie noticed a man coming closer to her standing car
He waited long, for that day the line was a small crowd
The man pulled a gun and told her to get the fuck out
Ryan told the man at the counter his smoking choice
She tried to scream but no one heard her choking voice

Ryan walked back to the parking lot and the small car
She wasn't there but surely she couldn't have gone far
After ten minutes of calling her, he became hysterical
The thought of her missing was completely unbareable
He started calling everybody he knew asking for rosie
No one had seen her that day, he began feeling lonely
He screamed her distant name with tears in his eyes
That poor man cried calling for the presence of his bride
He called the police knowing that they wouldn't find her
The only thing that stayed was her picture as his reminder

He remained at that parking lot for fourteen hours straight
Alone, he only empowered his thoughts to shower blame
If he only stopped smoking, if he only hurried a bit more
The only's began tearing until his heart was a ripped core
No one would ever again see poor rosie or hear ryan speak
For ryan would just sleep, thinking of rosie in his dreams
And when he woke up he would stare at the picture of her
Then he smiled at the thought of how much he loved her
.
This story might seem made up and to some, even unclear
But 25 thousand people go missing without a trace, each year
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Old 07-26-04, 03:44 PM   #2
L.A.STR~E~TZ
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From: dreams
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Uppin Muffin.
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Old 07-28-04, 04:31 PM   #3
L.A.STR~E~TZ
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From: dreams
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uPPity Up.
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Old 07-30-04, 11:18 PM   #4
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From: dreams
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Up.
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Old 08-01-04, 01:41 PM   #5
L.A.STR~E~TZ
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From: dreams
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Up.
Up.
And away!
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Old 08-01-04, 02:09 PM   #6
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From: the 306 & 780... CANADA
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1 comment - last phrase you say "The only's" I think you mean the "only if's" but just thought I'd comment. Other than that im no scholar, but from an listeners perspective this was nice. Although you did forshadow the dissapearance early in the first phrase. (Ryan WAS to be) Rhyme scheme and structure was on point, and it was easy to read through. Good lookin.
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Old 08-01-04, 07:50 PM   #7
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it was ok you need better vocab and it seems like a young kids poem cuz love gots way bigger words and is way more complacated.it was a good poem though nice job just elevate a little more and you perfect
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