A terse cacophony of silent laments...
Perched in plaudits of nervous vomit
I try and repent...
Merchant novice in search of promise
A hearse the topic...
Tendencies of a serotinous character...
Hailed in preposterous calibre
Dropping Excalibur...
An amateur coughing and mocking...
Now I'm lost in this massacre -
Of self with plans to escape
I'm silently upset...
Tryna be the best...
That I can be
Violently depressed
No breath in my chest...
Blood cold, sinuses decrept
Trapped in my head's castle..
Modern society's Macbeath
Eyes bleed to accept my doctrine...
Pierced pupils locked in a coffin
Often lost in my thoughts when..
I'm rotting from blotched sins
Now that I've lost faith all my thoughts fade to phosphates
No crossed aid...and the costs great......Im MorBid

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Good: vocab and rhyming
Bad:Inconsistencies of lines
Decent:Emotion
Good work, though a tad confusing.

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rap4 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rp)
n. Slang: A form of popular <a href="http://www.ntsearch.com/search.php?q=music&v=56">music</a> developed especially in African-American urban communities and characterized by spoken or chanted rhyming lyrics with a syncopated, repetitive rhythmic accompaniment.
^Don't forget the white man^
Poetic Scriptures poems:
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157364
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=157462

Poetry doesnt haver consistant lines....

i dont what your trying to say

these are not open mics........

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I am Here To Save You All